It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I don’t want employees to give me gifts

I’ve just switched employers and am now heading up a company’s legal division. I value your advice to gift down, not up, but do you have any scripts on how and when to communicate this expectation to subordinates? I don’t want to sound like, “Listen up, peons! Spare me your humble offerings.” Nor do I want to say it so early that it feels like I was expecting them to shower gifts at my feet if I didn’t say something. And if someone ignores me and gives me a gift anyway, how should I handle that? I’m working remotely for a region of the country that’s very different culturally from my own, and I don’t want to inadvertently insult people or harm relationships with my excellent team in a place where gifting seems to be a part of the culture. For what it’s worth, I’m coming from government, where no-gifting-up expectations are clearly set in policy.

Are you mostly worried about this happening with year-end holiday gifts? If so, speak up in late November or early December and say something like, “This is the time of year when people think about holiday gifts, so I want to say up-front that just doing your jobs well is enough of a gift for me. Please spend your money on your family or yourself, and know that I’m grateful to have each of you on our team.” (It’s less weird if you can say this in the context of some other holiday-related announcement, so that it’s not its own stand-alone declaration.)

If you’re seeing a culture around things like birthday gifts, talk to whoever seems to organize them and explain that you don’t want them to organize something for you — and it’s okay to explicitly say, “I feel strongly that no one should feel even minor pressure to buy a gift for anyone in their chain of command.”

But if you do receive a gift from an employee despite this, it’s okay to accept it graciously as long as it’s not extravagantly expensive. You don’t want to make anyone feel bad (which will happen if you refuse to accept a gift); you just want to ensure no one feels obligated to buy you presents. If it is extravagant, you can say, “This was very kind of you! I feel really strongly that managers shouldn’t accept gifts because it can lead to people feeling pressured to provide them — I know you didn’t, but I worry about creating that culture. So I’m going to give this back to you so you can give it a loved one or use it yourself. The only gift I need from you is your good work, and I already have that!”

Also, aside from gifts to you, be alert for signs that anyone might feel pressured to contribute to gifts for others. If gifting is a big part of this office’s culture, I can almost guarantee that there are people who would prefer to keep their money — and that they’d be grateful if you worked to shift that piece of the culture once you’re more settled in.

2. My employee doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom

I am the head of a small organization. I have two-in office employees. We do work in-office most days, and our office space has a bathroom. All of us can hear when the toilet flushes, sink is running, etc. One of my employees clearly does not wash his hands after using the restroom — he’s in there only briefly, and the toilet flushes mere seconds before he emerges from the bathroom. This is gross.

If I put up a “wash your hands” sign, it will be awkward, given there are only three of us here and we work closely together and a new sign would be very pointed and unusual. I’m not sure a sign would change the behavior anyway. Do I need to have a personal conversation with the employee about this (also awkward)? Do I need to resign myself to vigorous hand sanitizing and Lysol spraying? How do I get over the thought of touching the copier, the stapler, the doorknobs, after my employee has, while knowing what he previously touched?

I am sorry to deliver this news because it is gross, but a significant portion of the people walking in around in the world don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom, and you are touching things they have touched all the time when you’re out in public. Signs won’t stop it. You just need to know that’s how people are, and adjust your own behavior accordingly.

(It would be different if you were in food service; then you’d have an obligation to talk to him.)

3. Resumes that include info about gender identity or sexual orientation

This is admittedly, less of a question, and more of something I get concerned about as a manager reviewing resumes. I was advised by a peer to submit this to you in hopes that some hopeful applicants might see it and be more cautious.

I often have resumes from younger individuals that specifically advertise their gender identity or sexuality. While we are a progressive workplace, with many in-house accommodations and built-in support structures that allow team members to present as the gender and be open about the sexuality they are most comfortable with as they are comfortable expressing. That being said, we are located in a less progressive state, where it’s becoming increasingly fraught (while still illegal to discriminate against LGBTQ+ folk in the workplace).

It’s not my place to coach applicants who aren’t my staff, but I wish sometimes I could advise them to be a little more cautious about openly sharing this information — especially at a stage of the hiring process where a less scrupulous person could still choose to discard their resume under the guise of a more “acceptable” reason.

Most often, candidates who do this are doing it intentionally because they want to screen out employers and hiring managers where it’s more likely to be an issue. It’s a way to screen for inclusive workplaces. It’s not infallible, of course, but it’s better than doing no screening and hoping for the best.

4. How much notice should I give before retiring?

How much notice should I give before retiring? Is a standard two weeks enough?

For context, I just got a big promotion in December and I have been leading a newly formed team since January. I am only 54 so I think this move is going to be a surprise, and I feel bad about leaving the team at a formative time. I also have a great relationship with my boss and I hate to put her in a difficult position. But for a variety of reasons, I’ve determined that retiring in September is the right thing for me to do.

Given the circumstances, is it better to give my boss a heads-up well in advance, or should I just stick with the standard two weeks?

It comes down entirely to this: do you trust your boss and your employer not to push you out earlier than you want to leave? And if they did, how much of a problem would it be for you?

If you think that they’ll be grateful for early notice and won’t push you out earlier than September (or if you wouldn’t mind much if they did), go ahead and give them a couple of months of notice if you feel comfortable doing that. But if you don’t trust them on that, or if it would be disastrous if they did, stick with two weeks. You’d be giving two weeks for other types of departures, so it’s not a terrible crime to do that here too.

Keep in mind, too, that “push you out earlier than September” doesn’t have to mean something dramatic like they blow up and tell you to leave immediately. It can look more like initial gratitude for the heads-up, followed a few weeks later by, “We found the perfect replacement but she would need to start immediately so let’s set your end date for sooner” or, “Since we’re about to launch a bunch of new projects, it doesn’t make sense to have you start them and then leave soon after, so it makes more sense to move your ending date up.” I would be particularly concerned about those since you’re still pretty new in the position and, in their eyes, may still be getting acclimated to it.

Related:
how much notice should you give when you resign?

5. Interviewing in the third trimester of pregnancy

I’m currently job searching for a fall start date. Job searching in the spring for a fall start is normal in my industry, although some companies will make offers in March and others might not make offers until June. I find myself in a sticky situation with timelines, because I am in my third trimester of pregnancy, and due in six to eight weeks. I look pregnant, but most people who see me think I am five or maybe six months pregnant — so I seem earlier in the pregnancy than I am.

My current job is a one-year position ending in September, but I will be able to take my full maternity leave at this job. My plan is to return to it for one month before moving to a new job, should I land one. I have had some great first round virtual interviews, with two different kinds of responses — some companies want me to come in ASAP for in-person interviews, and some want to wait until late May or early June for in-person interviews (when I will likely be giving birth/freshly postpartum).

For companies that want to interview me ASAP, I am considering volunteering information during the interview about completing my leave at the current job and not needing a delayed start or maternity leave from the new job, because people may not realize that is my timeline based on my appearance. Is this a good idea? I know there is no way to avoid implicit bias now that I’m visibly pregnant, so I’m hoping to get ahead of the timeline concerns that may pop up. And for companies that seem inclined to take things slow, is there anything I can say without disclosing my pregnancy that would help them realize I cannot wait that long to interview? I did not say anything in the interviews when I was told this because I did not know how to respond, so I’m afraid I will now look panicked or unprofessional.

I’m fairly junior in my field and many women in the field choose to delay pregnancy for 5+ years beyond where I am to avoid being thought of as unserious. But I do love my career, I am incredibly serious about it, and it is my passion. I am afraid that my otherwise strong candidacy will be overlooked due to my pregnancy.

Yes, for the companies interviewing you in-person, it’s smart to share your plans and timeline because they’re going to be reluctant to ask (since they can’t legally factor your pregnancy into the hiring decision).

For the companies moving more slowly, since you know you won’t be able to interview in late May/early June, you might as well put it on the table now: share that you’re pregnant and when you’re due and that you’re planning to finish your leave before you’d be starting with them. They might not be willing or able to interview you any earlier, but they might.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss punished me for an HR investigation on her way out the door

A little over a year ago, I started in a new workplace. Things seemed great at first — much less stress and a more regular schedule than my previous job, great coworkers, and when I had a significant health scare requiring multiple surgeries (I’m fine now) shortly after starting, my manager was really supportive. As the honeymoon period waned, however, it became clear that there were a lot of serious boundary issues with our manager — lots of “we’re a family” style issues. Inappropriate, boundary-crossing things were being said, things that made a lot of jaws hit the floor when recounted. Long story short is that I ended up reaching out to HR, with the support and knowledge of most of my peer-level coworkers. The hope from me had been she would get coaching around professionalism (like not asking invasive personal/medical/sexual questions of employees during staff meetings).

There was an investigation, and my manager sort of spiraled. She revoked several privileges (like flexible work) suddenly (for most people, but notably not for everyone). And she would lash out emotionally about perceived slights, and made at least one person cry. Based on the way she channeled her aggression, it seemed like she was working through the people she suspected of reporting her.

Fast forward a few months, and she announced that she was leaving. I was already scheduled to take an approved vacation during her last week in the office. When I returned, she was gone and she had submitted my annual review in my absence, which included rating me as “approaching expectations” (as opposed to meeting) across multiple categories, saying that my “interpersonal conflicts are a distraction to [me] and the team” and that I don’t take constructive criticism well. This was about a week ago.

I think she received some kind of confirmation that I reported her, and I am pissed. I feel like I have no recourse because she is gone. If she was still here I would ask, in good faith, for examples, because I try to be open to the possibility that there is room for improvement. But I have never had an “interpersonal conflict” with anyone at work except for my decision to report to HR, and I cannot think of a single instance of criticism she provided, constructive or otherwise!

Do you think there’s anywhere to go with this? I feel like this was retaliatory, but she doesn’t work here anymore. And I worry that bringing it up with upper management will just be held against me. Do I just need to breathe deeply, move on, and try to start fresh with a new manager when/if they ever hire someone?

Go back to HR and say this: “I’m concerned that Linda’s annual review of me was intentionally retaliatory because of my report about her to you. She had seemed very upset ever since the investigation, began revoking various privileges for people, and lashed out at multiple team members. The review is so out of sync with the feedback she’s given me previously that — with some of it objectively incorrect — that I’m concerned it was retaliation for my report and the subsequent investigation. I’m not sure how to handle this since she’s now gone, but I’m concerned about having this in my personnel file when it’s false.”

Related:
my boss retaliated against me in my performance evaluation after I talked to H.R.

2. My manager keeps firing people without any warning

My job employs a lot of part-timers, mostly younger people with little to no previous work experience. I’m one of several supervisors. Our main job is to support the part-timers, but our manager regularly asks for our input on things like hiring, policy changes, training, etc.

My manager is normally very good, and I’ve described her as the best boss I’ve ever had many times. She’s great at keeping multiple plates spinning, training new people effectively, project management, and giving good feedback. Unfortunately, the late-2024 federal funding cuts have hit us hard and compounded with other problems to result in my department running on a skeleton crew for months now. My manager has gotten noticeably more snappish, impatient, and overworked as a result. I’m full-time and grateful to be employed at all, especially since I’ve been looking for new jobs with no interviews for about a year, so I’ve been grinning, bearing it, and repeating, “That’s what the money’s for” to myself when she occasionally treats me somewhat unfairly out of stress.

However, she’s fired multiple part-timers over email with no warning since January. I think it’s unfair, arbitrary, and unnecessary. All of the people who were fired had attendance issues that are fireable offenses, but there are other workers with worse attendance who haven’t been fired because they’ve been here longer and/or my manager feels bad for them. I do too, but my manager has had months of in-person and email conversations with one employee warning her that she needs to hit a minimum amount of shifts with no improvement. The people who were fired got, at most, a vague hint over email that we needed them to shore up their attendance. There was never a face-to-face conversation with our manager making it clear that their jobs were on the line if they kept skipping shifts.

Do you have any ideas for ways I could pump the brakes on this fire-by-email trend, keeping in mind I have no hard power here? And should I start trying to warn employees with shaky attendance that our manager might fire them with little to no warning? On one hand, I want to keep out of the line of fire and just get my work done without making my boss think I’m trying to undermine her. On the other hand, I think our casual office culture has lulled some part-timers into a false sense of security, and these are undergrads without much work experience who might not realize that skipping shifts or even entire weeks of work is a lot more serious than skipping class. On a third hand, I’m busy enough as it is and about to get busier, so I don’t really want to throw yet another responsibility into the mix.

Talk to your manager! It shouldn’t take a huge amount of capital if you approach it as wanting what’s best for the organization, rather than taking issue with her judgment. Frame it as, “I know we’ve had to fire a bunch of people for attendance issues lately, and I think part of the problem is that we have so many people without much work experience who don’t yet understand what a big deal it is. Could we more explicitly warn people when their attendance is an issue? It might let us solve the issues without ultimately having to fire them, which would help lower the strain from the turnover.”

But also, yes — as a supervisor you should definitely be talking to employees about attendance expectations, even if your manager isn’t. You know she has specific attendance expectations (as most jobs would!), whether or not she’s going to talk to them about it — so if you see people running afoul of those, you should name it and let them know it’s a problem. You don’t need to say, “Jane might fire you with little to no warning”; you can say, “Reliably showing up when you’re scheduled is a requirement for keeping your job, and it’s something we do fire people over.” As a supervisor, you have the standing — and, I’d argue, the obligation — to have those conversations.

Related:
should you warn an employee before firing her?

3. I’m continually passed over for the higher-level responsibilities we discussed when I was hired

I have been in my role as office manager and EA to the CEO for six years. Prior to taking this role, I was second-in-charge at my workplace, and functionally in a COO role. I took a step down when accepting my current role as it’s a more interesting industry and allowed better flexibility.

When taking the role, the CEO and COO talked about training me into the COO role, particularly as she was planning on taking long service leave. However, every time I have asked to learn parts of her role, it’s been pushed back or ignored (e.g., “oh yes, maybe,” then nothing).

This week I asked if I would be covering her role while she is on long service leave and was told that another team member would be doing it. The CEO seemed suprised that I was interested in doing it. I have definitely made it clear in all my reviews that I’m interested in getting back into a more executive role.

I consistently receive positive feedback on my work from the CEO and COO. I regularly ask if there is anything I need to improve, and am always told they are very happy. I’m not sure what to do now. I like where I work, but it seems like I will not be given the chance to improve my career.

You need to ask her about it directly: “When I was hired, you and Jane talked about training me into the COO role since I was doing that role in my previous job. Is that still something you’re open to and, if so, what kind of timeline do you envision for that happening?”

Since it’s been six years with no movement on it, it’s possible that she doesn’t even remember those conversations. If that’s the case, just saying in your review that you’re interested in moving back in that direction won’t necessarily solve it; it will be more effective to very clearly lay out what the original discussion was and ask if it’s still on the table.

It’s possible that it’s not, for all sorts of reasons (anything from they’ve pigeonholed you into the job you’re now in to their thinking on who they’d want in that role having changed in the years since the original discussion). But if that’s the case, you need to find out so you can decide if you want to stay under those circumstances or if you’d be better off looking outside the organization.

4. Glassdoor is making you link your account with Indeed

Remember how we were so annoyed a while back when Glassdoor started making you add your real contact information to keep your account? Apparently now they have been bought by Indeed, and they are forcing you to connect your accounts. I didn’t even have an Indeed account, and it wouldn’t allow me to log into Glassdoor until I made one. You then have to search through settings to opt out of letting company “job posters” on Indeed have access to your Glassdoor account information! It’s opt OUT!

Clearly some boneheaded exec either has it in for Glassdoor as a concept or really does not understand the point of it. I’m going to have to delete my account and make a new one under a fake name now. Why do they have to make everything terrible??

What the actual F. Anonymity is essential for Glassdoor to work so what a terrible and nonsensical policy that drains Glassdoor of most of its utility.

5. Can I ask for a start date two months away?

I work in an industry where giving a month’s notice is expected from managers. After years of working in a very intense job, I’m considering a move to greener pastures. But wondering how to negotiate the latest date possible. If possible, I’d love to have a month off between jobs to truly rest, recharge, and see my extended family. Doing so would give employers two months wait for my start date. Is that possible and how do I ask without sounding as burnt out as I feel?

In a lot of jobs, you can ask for a start date two months out. Some will have the flexility to agree to that and some won’t, but it’s a thing people ask for, particular with more senior-level jobs. You’d simply say, “I’m expected to give my employer a month’s notice, and I’m hoping to take some time off to recharge before starting with you. I can be flexible if needed, but would a start date of X work on your end?”

Related:
how do I negotiate my start date at a new job?

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Leadership discussing weight loss during an accommodations meeting

I’m writing about a conversation that happened a few months ago in my workplace that is still bothering me, and I’m not sure if there’s anywhere to escalate it or if I need to keep working on letting it go.

I work in public service for a small city and am part of a union. I was in a meeting with the head of HR (who reports to the mayor), my boss (the director of our organization), and the union rep. The meeting was set up to discuss a medical accommodation I was asking for. I self-identify as a fat woman, but the accommodation in question had nothing to do with that; it was about mental health.

Everything was going fine, everyone agreed to the accommodation, we had it all in writing, etc. But towards the end of the meeting, the conversation went off the rails when somebody (I think the union rep, but I’m not sure) mentioned that they’re cold all the time because they lost 50 pounds. The conversation went on like this:

Head of HR: Congratulations, how did you do it?
Union rep: I do the shots.
Director: I am also always cold because I did the same thing and I also lost 50 pounds. I’m trying to reach my goal weight after baby and then intend to go off the meds.
Head of HR: Wow, you guys look fantastic.

And so on. By this point I had tuned out.

I found this topic wildly inappropriate and kind of offensive for leadership to be talking about in front of their employee, fat or not, especially when asking for a medical accommodation. I just kind of tuned out at the time, but it’s still bothering me that someone who is leading the HR department would bring that up with their employees, and that other people in leadership would continue the conversation.

I don’t know if there’s anywhere else to escalate this or complain about it, though. The next person up from both of these people is the mayor, and I can’t complain to my boss about the union rep since my boss was part of the problem. Is there anyone else I can complain to, and is it even worth it or should I just continue to try to let it go?

I get why it bothered you but yeah, you should let it go. People should be more aware of how they talk about bodies and dieting in work situations — well, in all situations, really — and especially at meetings that are on completely different topics, but it’s a reality of our culture that it comes up in all sorts of situations anyway. To them, they were just chatting, and it’s not inherently inappropriate for them to chat at the end of a meeting where the main topic had already been taken care of. Your objection is closer to (very legitimate) personal preference than to “an obvious rule has been violated and something should be done.”

2. My boss won’t tell me how I can get a higher performance rating

At the beginning of 2025, I, along with about 200 other people at my large organization, joined a brand new team to build and implement a huge new piece of software. With the project, I also took the opportunity to join a team that has a different focus than my old team. This meant that I had to learn an additional huge piece of software, gain programming skills with very little prior programming experience, and do light project management with at least a dozen vendors. I crushed all of my deadlines, and managers on other teams regularly reached out to my boss with praise for me.

I gave myself the highest possible rating on my annual self-review (“exceeds expectations”) and laid out plenty of supporting documentation. I sat down with my boss, who enthusiastically agreed with all of my points … and bumped me down to a “meets expectations.” Because my org has forced rankings in the past, I was prepared for this possibility. He went on to clarify (without my prompting) that the org did not force rankings this year and he appreciated me meeting all of the challenging expectations for my new role. I asked him how I could have exceeded expectations for 2025, and he rambled on about “it was a hard year for everybody” and “it would have been hard for anybody to get an exceeds.” That wasn’t really an answer, so I asked how I could exceed for this year. He went on about how impressed he was that I met the high standards for my role, then asked “do you think I’m being too harsh?” I replied, “Harshness isn’t the issue, but it’s disappointing to be told I didn’t meet certain criteria without getting examples of what that criteria might be.” He then explained that he doesn’t like providing targets for exceeding expectations because then “that becomes the standard” and “people get disappointed when they don’t meet it”!

This was a week ago, and I’m having a hard time letting it go. In nearly 15 years at this org, this is the first time that a boss couldn’t either provide ideas for improvement or explain that I missed the cutoff during a forced rankings year (I’m generally a chill employee, and I think I get picked for that because my managers know it won’t make me melt down). The project lasts for at least two more years, so there are loads of objective criteria for potential goal-setting. Am I bananapants for thinking that he’s unfairly managing based on vibes instead of fair, tangible criteria? I have a great relationship with my grandboss and am considering setting up time with her to talk about it, but is that too dramatic? What else can I do here?

Final notes: I’m the only woman reporting to this guy, and the rankings are tied to our annual raises.

You’re not off-base at all. He should be able to provide you with clear examples of what “exceeds expectations” would look like and why you’re not there yet, and if he can’t do that, you’re absolutely right to conclude that he’s managing by vibes rather than clear metrics. What’s more, your company should want managers to lay out clear metrics for “exceeds expectations” for a whole bunch of reasons — first and foremost that people are less likely to knock it out of the park if they don’t know what that would look like, but also because managers who leave that hazy are leaving the door wide open for the appearance (or the reality) of a whole bunch of kinds of discrimination, and the legal liability that goes along with that.

It would not be at all too dramatic to talk to your grandboss about this, particularly since you have a strong relationship with her. Frame it as a very reasonable desire to want to understand how your performance is assessed, why you’re not at “exceeds expectations currently,” and what you need to do differently to get there.

3. My job is posted for more than I earn

I just saw a job posting for my department, the same position as mine (because someone is leaving). The amount of pay listed is more than what I make. I have been here for 20+ years. What do I do?

Talk to your boss! “I saw the opening for the new X is posted at $Y. If that’s the current starting salary, I’d like to talk about adjusting my salary, which is currently below that, so that I’m not making less than someone brand new without my experience.”

It’s also possible that you shouldn’t just get a raise to $Y but instead should get a raise to something above $Y to reflect the amount of experience you have. I say “possible” rather than “definitely” because the number of years in a job doesn’t automatically equate to doing the work better, but it’s something you should at least be thinking about.

4. Do teachers own their lesson plans?

I’ve seen in your column before that anything you create for your job belongs to your company. Does that also apply to lesson plans written by teachers?

I teach 10th grade history. As you well know, teachers are ludicrously underpaid and one of the ways I supplement my income is by selling my lesson plans on a popular site for teachers. Is what I’m doing illegal? Can I get in trouble with my school if they realize?

My name isn’t attached to my online “store” but I suppose if one of my administrators took a thorough look at the site they could connect the lessons to what I do in my classroom.

Under copyright law, your school district owns your lesson plans because they’re deemed “work for hire” (work that you create in the scope of your employment) unless it has policies to the contrary (which it might, so you should check). Interestingly, before the Copyright Act of 1976, courts had generally assigned copyright for educational materials to teachers — but when the Copyright Act of 1976 passed, it didn’t contain a teacher exception.

But that doesn’t mean that you’d get in trouble with your school if they realize you’re selling them; it’s more likely they’d just tell you to stop.

5. How should I show I’ve had the same job in multiple locations?

I’ve had the same job title at the same company for the past two years, but in three different locations. My base location has remained City A, but I’ve been assigned to plants in different states for long durations. So since 2024, I’ve spent one year split between Plant B in City B and City A, and eight months entirely at Plant C in City C. All of these are in different states.

How should I show this in my resume? Right now I’m doing this-

MegaCo | City A
Teapot Controls Engineer | City A State, City B State, City C State |  2024 – Present
– Accomplishment
– Accomplishment

It’s fine to do it that way, but you probably don’t even need the “City A State, City B State, City C State” part and could just list it like this:

MegaCo | City A
Teapot Controls Engineer,  2024 – Present
– Accomplishment
– Accomplishment

The exception to that would be if the individual locations were significant in some way, like if it would strengthen your candidacy to show that you had experience in a specific location or type of location (such as one similar in important ways to the one where you were applying).