It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m being targeted for increasing our health insurance rates

My boss approached me about how our insurance rates are going up because of my medication. We don’t have HR. I was told how much my biologic shots cost each month and how that’s affecting our rates. It was also brought up in front of another employee.

Now I am feeling like I’m being targeted at work. I’m being left out of meetings, and any time I bring up new ideas or concerns, I am either dismissed or made out to be the issue. This feels strangely targeted and surprising. I’ve had amazing success and interest in the programs that I am over. I am starting to feel like there is pressure on me to find another job even though my work is above and beyond.

Yes, it sounds very much like you’re being treated this way because of your health care costs, and they want you to leave. That’s illegal under multiple federal laws, including the Americans with Disabilities Act, the Employee Retirement Income Security Act, and even HIPAA, all of which make it illegal to retaliate against an employee because of their health care costs.

But legal or not, if your employer wants you to leave, there are a lot of ways they can make your life there very difficult — so you really, really need an employment lawyer to help you navigate this, even if they’re just advising you behind the scenes.

2. I was asked to talk to another volunteer about her attitude

I have been volunteering with an animal welfare organization for about 14 years. Besides animal care, one of my main duties is being at the front desk during our open hours and assisting visitors and adopters when they come in.

We have a newer volunteer, “Margo,” who has been volunteering for the past year or so. Due to physical limitations, she cannot do animal care, so when she is on shift she is also at the front desk.

It can be hard to find volunteers, so Margo was a welcome addition when she first started. There are only a handful of us comfortable staffing the front desk, and she filled in a lot of open shifts. But as time goes on, Margo has rubbed a lot of fellow volunteers the wrong way. There have been complaints about her bossy attitude. She has started stopping in on her days off just to “check in.” One of our other front desk volunteers told me that Margo stopped in and just started doing the front desk duties without even asking her. Margo does not listen to direction from our adoption center manager (who is a bit newer than Margo, so Margo probably thinks she doesn’t know what she’s talking about).

Our adoption center manager (who is paid staff and is supposed to be in charge of the volunteers) asked me to talk to Margo, as a tenured volunteer. How do you tell a volunteer that they are being too bossy and rubbing people the wrong way?

The adoption center manager was wrong to ask you to do that. You’re a peer to Margo, so she isn’t required to listen to you and may figure you’re the one being bossy. Instead, the adoption center manager is the one who needs to do it, since she’s in charge of the volunteers and has the authority and standing to speak to Margo about what needs to change.

As for how she should approach it: straightforwardly! People often feel more awkward about giving feedback to volunteers since they’re not getting paid for their work, but you can’t run an organization effectively without being willing to do it (and if you’re reluctant to, you end up driving off other volunteers who don’t want to work around unaddressed problems). It’s important to ensure volunteers feel appreciated — but not at the expense of never asking them to do anything differently. But again, you’re not the person well positioned to do it, and it’s reasonable for you to go back to the adoption center manager and say, “I thought about this and don’t think I have the standing with Margo to give this feedback. I think it will need to come from you since you manage her and have authority I don’t have.”

3. My boss is trying to crowd out Pride Month

Most of the U.S. knows June is Pride Month, even if they don’t celebrate it. Since last year, my boss has begun painting our front windows in June with “Veteran’s Month” celebration art. I am a veteran and have been/am being asked to provide a picture of me in uniform with a blurb about my service to be played on the screen when you walk in. I managed to blow them off last year as I’m very private at work.

For those who might not know, November is widely celebrated as Veteran’s Month and companies will often give all sorts of discounts then. Everyone generally celebrates November 11th, but that extends to the whole month now through an official designation. By celebrating it in June, I know what my boss is trying to do. I didn’t think it would continue this year, but here we are and now I want to know what paths I might have forward.

Can I even report this to HR? We are in California, but our corporate office is in Texas. I’m worried they won’t care. I am not queer myself, but that shouldn’t matter.

I don’t know that it quite rises to the level of HR unless it’s accompanied by your boss doing other things that seem anti-LGBTQ, but would you be comfortable saying this to him: “As a veteran, I’d be confused if I saw this because Veteran’s Month is always in November. June is Pride Month, so if we want to do something it should be Pride-related or we’ll look like we’re trying to crowd that out, which I know we wouldn’t want.”

And if he ignores that and keeps trying to use a photo of you, be clear that you’re not participating: “June is Pride Month, not Veterans Month, so I’m not comfortable participating.”

4. Candidates who won’t answer interview questions directly

I’ve hit a frustrating wall in my hiring process. I like to run a structured, transparent interview. Every candidate receives the same baseline of information, the same formatted calendar invites with details, and the same five core questions to ensure a fair evaluation.

I set clear expectations from the start: I introduce myself, provide a brief overview of the role, explain that we have five questions to cover, and assure them there is dedicated time for their own questions at the end. I check in and ask if that sounds good. They are always affirmative. These aren’t “gotcha” questions; they are direct, relevant queries about the experience and professional philosophy required for the role.

Despite this clarity, I keep encountering candidates who simply won’t answer the questions. I frequently find myself having to interrupt long-winded, unrelated stories just to restate the original prompt and ask for a direct response.

I work in a people-centered industry, so I appreciate openness and personality, but I refuse to hire on “vibes” alone. My goal is to ensure skills and philosophy are the primary requirements, with personal rapport being a secondary consideration.

How do I handle candidates who dodge straightforward questions without sounding like an interrogator? Is there a way to guide these “storytellers” more effectively, or is an inability to follow a simple interview structure a red flag I should be taking more seriously? Should I rethink my format and my goal of keeping the interview fair and equal? Is there another way to do it?

What portion of candidates are you finding this with? If it’s a majority of them, then I’d think the issue is with your questions — that they need to be more narrowly defined, or that you need to be clearer about exactly what information you’re seeking. Probably that means reworking the initial questions to be clearer, but it’s also fine to interject with, “Let me jump in here — what I’d really like to hear about specifically is X.”

But if most people are answering the questions directly, then it sounds like your questions are working: they are operating as a red flag for candidates who dodge straightforward questions about their experience. Maybe they’re bad communicators or maybe they lack the experience you’re looking for; either way, not giving a straight answer to a straightforward question is a red flag, and it’s fair for you to consider that relevant data as you evaluate them.

I think that because you’re very focused on a transparent and fair process, you’re getting tripped up by “I need their clear answer about X in order to fairly compare their experience with X to other candidates.” But what you’re getting is additional relevant information. Maybe “answers direct questions clearly” isn’t in the matrix you’re currently using to assess people, but for most jobs it should be.

5. Suggesting I consult after I’m rejected for a job

I just had an interview for a job for which I have deep experience in part of what they’re looking for (a technical skill involving specialized equipment), and very little in other parts. I got the sense that the hiring manager was very interested in the things I do know, to the point that I think part of the interview was him picking my brain about how to do something, rather than just assessing my skills.

If I am rejected for not having the other skills, would it be reasonable for me to suggest that I could consult with them for a limited period, possibly to train someone and get their project up and running? I’ve trained colleagues before and it’s something I wouldn’t mind doing (though I would prefer a full-time job!) and my skills are rare enough that they’re not likely to find someone with everything else they want, plus this. Or would it just be weird and out of touch because they would have just rejected me, so obviously they don’t want me working there?

You can make that offer! It’s not weird or out-of-touch to say, “I know you’re moving forward with other candidates for the X role, but if you end up needing someone to consult on Y, I’d love to talk with you about a short-term consulting arrangement to help get the work up and running. If that turns out to be something you might need, please contact me anytime.”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss always cancels our meetings

My manager is the CEO. They have eight direct reports, plus they are across projects — key clients, key projects.

They’re very busy, of course, but they constantly cancel / decline meetings with me, whether it’s a performance review, a briefing before a client meeting, or our weekly 1:1’s. I feel as though I’m constantly shunted for something else.

I can rationalize some kinds of meetings being canceled, but to what extent should I expect my weekly 1:1 with them be kept? I always thought that these meetings are the holy grail of manager-direct report relationships? Am I being sensitive and unreasonable?

The busier your manager, the more likely this is to happen — and generally you’re expected to just roll with it … and your quality of life will be higher if you choose to do that, rather than taking it personally. Your boss is juggling a zillion different competing priorities, and while your meetings are important, they often won’t be as urgent as other things coming at them.

The big question I have for you is whether these meetings (particularly the performance reviews and weekly one-on-one’s) get rescheduled. If they do, then yeah — this is just part of working for a busy CEO. If they don’t, that’s more of an issue and something you should raise, because you do need time with them in order to do your own job. Occasionally canceling a one-on-one without rescheduling it isn’t a big deal, but generally you should expect them to be rescheduled rather than canceled altogether. If that’s not happening, raise it and ask if there’s a better way to get the time with them you need.

Related:
my boss keeps canceling our meetings

2. A smelly coworker who I don’t know

I’ve read all your articles regarding coworkers/employees with hygiene issues. I have a slightly different problem. I work for a large government agency. As I’m sure you know, remote work has been almost completely ended for federal employees. My job has always been in person, but remote workers have been “assigned” to our building.

We now have random people assigned to sit in cubes mingled in established teams. Someone was assigned to the cube across the aisle from me. He has extremely bad body odor. I’m not sure what I can do to solve the problem since I don’t know him, or anything about him.

I’ve talked to my supervisor, but she doesn’t know what to do either. We don’t have HR in our building, but I could submit an HR ticket. That seems unkind because I think he deserves to have someone talk to him in person.

Is your boss able to figure out who this coworker works for and have a discreet word with the coworker’s boss, requesting that they handle it? If not, submit the HR ticket. You’re not well-positioned to talk to this employee yourself about such an awkward topic, and the set-up means this is the only real option you have. HR can still talk to him in person if they feel that’s the best way to handle it; you’re just alerting them that it’s necessary (and you can do that in a kind and empathetic way).

Related:
my boss told me that I smell

3. Did I make a bad impression when I complained to coworkers?

I just hit one year in an entry-level position at a remote, high-stress marketing start-up. There are definitely some structural issues unique to my position, such as being expected to pivot from project to project without warning and my manager living in another country, which has made getting projects reviewed more difficult. Recently on a work trip, I unintentionally vented some of my frustrations about the way my position has been handled over drinks with a couple coworkers on a different team, who have never mentioned it again — but I can’t help feeling like people are avoiding me.

Friends and family members have assured me that everyone complains a little at work. However, I’m concerned that I’ve now made my reputation as someone ungrateful who disparages their coworkers, especially in a remote position where we don’t often get face-to-face time. How do I remedy this potential social faux pas?

It’s true that most people complain at work now and then, although it’s also true that it’s possible to complain in a way that lands wrong with people (because the complaint seems out of touch, or you seem excessively bitter, or you seem more negative than positive in general, or you seemed to lack judgment in who you vented to or where you did it, or so forth). I can’t tell if that’s the case here, but regardless the best thing you can do is to make a point of being notably helpful, upbeat, and capable in your interactions with those people. That way their most recent interaction with you won’t be the one you’re concerned about and if you did leave them with a weird impression previously, that should help overwrite it (particularly if you then sustain that).

4. Will a sexy Halloween costume cause problems with future jobs?

Last year, I met a guy who is the sweetest person ever. It took a while for me to get comfortable, but now I’m totally in love and very happy. One day he mentioned that he has always wanted to go out for Halloween with a woman dressed in a sexy costume. This year Halloween is on a Saturday and most nightclubs will have a party.

I think a sexy night out in a revealing costume would be a ton of fun, and I’ve picked out two costumes. Both reveal some cleavage and my whole bum.

Where the anxiety kicks in for me is that nightclubs sometimes have photographers and also that other people have phones. I know this fear is irrational but what if someone takes my picture and then a future employer finds said photo and doesn’t want to hire me? I really want to have fun and live my life, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’d be risking future job prospects. At the same time, I don’t want to dress myself based on work. (For context I work in the safety department for a construction company in middle management.)

Should I be worried about an employer finding a photo that someone else took of me? Is it likely that my photo will be taken if I’m just another person in the crowd? If so, do you think I will not get jobs because of my butt showing in the pictures? I really want to do this and have a fun time.

It’s very unlikely that it would affect your chances of getting a future job, but not 100% impossible. There are hiring managers who google candidates and judge them if they find that type of photo. But if a photo of you in the costume does end up online, how likely is it that your name would be attached? I’d think you could solve this whole thing by just not giving out your name (or not giving your real name) to anyone with a camera who happens to ask, unless you are so well-known in your community that people will already know it.

That said, exposing your entire butt is fairly extreme even for a Halloween costume, and if that’s the part making you anxious, you could find plenty of revealing costumes that don’t do that.

5. Should I send thank-you notes after a phone screening?

I have about eight years engineering experience and am currently applying to other jobs in the industry. I get plenty of requests for phone screenings, which is the initial call with someone in HR, who then sends info on to the hiring manager for the second and third rounds. This is generally the point where conversation stops.

I know to send a thank-you email after the meeting the hiring manager. Should I be sending one after the phone call with HR? It felt redundant to me since I end the phone call by thanking them for their time, etc., but I wonder if that’s why I rarely seem to hear back.

It’s good practice to send an email after the HR screening, so yes. But it’s also probably not the reason you’re not hearing back; thank-you notes generally build on an impression you’ve already made, rather than being a make-or-break factor. You should do them because it’s an easy way to strengthen your candidacy (assuming they include something of substance and aren’t literally just a thank-you), but it’s also worth looking at how you’re approaching the phone screens themselves, in case it’s weakness there that’s preventing you from moving forward.

Related:
thank-you notes: they’re not about thanking anyone