It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I was fired for charging customers’ cash purchases to my credit card

Started my part-time summer job (I am retired) a few weeks ago, working at small convenience/snack/candy store near a local free tourist attraction that opened up for the season. Got fired yesterday.

This year, the store went to a “no cash” payment system. Small sign on the door, another by the register. Problem is, not all people carry other forms of payment besides cash, mostly older folks, plus who wants to use their credit card for a 50 cent piece of candy? To help these customers out, especially ones who don’t have another form of payment available, I accepted their cash, then ran the transaction on my credit card. I asked if this was okay with them before hand and printed off a receipt that I kept for my records to keep everything on the “up and up.”

The owners noticed the number of receipts with my name on it and questioned me. I explained what I was doing and why and they fired me on the spot for “violating company policy.” I asked them to show me the policy and they could not. I asked them what specifically I was doing wrong, they could not give me an answer.

I understand “employment at will” so they can let me go for any reason, but I may file for unemployment because they didn’t have a “valid” reason for firing me and that is why I am writing. Was what I did wrong?

Yeah, it wasn’t wise. You were overriding the store’s payment policy; you basically created your own means for customers to pay, without first checking with your employer. I think they overreacted by firing you — they should have just told you to stop doing it — but you should have asked your manager first if it was okay to do it, especially before doing it multiple times.

Most importantly, having a bunch of receipts with an employee’s name on them is likely to raise red flags from an auditor. Beyond that, though, a customer could come in when you’re not working and expect a different cashier to do the same thing you were doing, and then be upset or frustrated when they refuse. It also opens your employer to accusations that they’re accepting cash from some customers and not from others.

2. New boss keeps questioning how I’m doing things

When I started this job about 10 months ago, my old manager made sure to give me positive even when I was new. Any negative feedback became a conversation instead of something accusatory, and she noted in my performance reviews that I was doing great but needed more confidence. My old manager made me feel heard and like I could talk to her about any troubles I was having at work.

However, she left the company, and our team’s new manager isn’t as great. It’s only been a few weeks but I constantly feel questioned as to why I’m doing things the way I am. What’s worse is that I don’t notice her asking similar things to my teammates. I feel like I’m being singled out and I’m the youngest with the least amount of experience. I never get positive feedback from my new manager, and it’s taking a toll on my self-esteem because I can’t accurately judge if I’m good at the job or not.

Do you have any advice for me? I really like the job and with my old manager, saw myself staying for years. Now I’m contemplating if I want to stick around more.

It’s possible that you’re being singled out because you’re the least experienced, but it’s also possible that you’re being singled out because your new manager finds you the most approachable or thinks your explanations are the clearest or shortest or she likes your way of doing things. It’s also possible that she’s asking your coworkers and you just don’t see it. Or, yes, it’s possible that she’s doubting your expertise.

But why not ask her? You could say, “Do you have concerns about the way I’m doing things like X or Y? You’ve asked me a lot about it, and I wasn’t sure if you’re just interested in the way we do this or if you’re concerned by anything about how I’m approaching the work.”

3. We give raises to salaried workers, but not hourly workers

I work for a private college. They annually give cost-of-living raises to salaried employees, but hourly employees in the department I oversee and in comparable departments have stayed the same for the last eight years. I’ve spoken to my manager, who is a very nice human but doesn’t want to be seen as challenging and struggles with negotiations in any setting.

I’m trying to prep him effectively to argue that if both merit and cost-of-living raises are the norm for salaried employees, then even if part-time roles are capped on a pay scale and even if merit raises are not an option, if the company recognizes the need for cost-of-living raises for salaried workers, this logic should be applied to anyone working for the organization. Would love some input.

What on earth. If an employer recognizes cost-of-living raises are necessary to keep up with inflation, there’s no logical basis for excluding hourly workers from that (unless there’s some really odd and extenuating circumstance, like that somehow all the salaried workers just happened to be dramatically underpaid and none of the hourly workers are, which seems pretty unlikely). Are they just completely uninterested in retaining the hourly workers and unconcerned by the costs of finding and training replacements?

In your boss’s shoes, I’d start by asking for the reasoning for excluding hourly workers from salary adjustments to keep up with inflation and go from there (next, presumably pointing out that hourly workers face the same cost-of-living increases as other employees, and that turnover from not retaining them will be disruptive).

4. How can people get my attention when I’m wearing headphones?

I work in an open concept floor plan, with my desk facing (gloriously!) a window. To cope with the noise and to be able to focus, I wear noise-cancelling headphones that really block out everything.

People often come up behind me and want to get my attention. I was wondering if there was any technology gimmick that I could use — something like a button they could press for a light to turn on at my desk, or something to push a notification. The sillier, the better! I am not shy about putting together something custom. Any ideas, or even keywords that I could search, would be amazing!

Right now I am trying to use a mirror, which is probably the best low-tech option, but I’d love to know if there’s something more fun I could do.

There are earbuds that allow you to hear human voices over music — but it sounds like you’re purposely trying to drown out human voices most of the time.

There’s also tech that was initially developed for deaf users that will trigger a visual alert like flashing a desk lamp. The search term you want is “alerting devices.”

5. What are employers doing about high gas prices?

I’m curious if your readers are hearing anything from their employers regarding the exorbitant gas and oil prices right now? I haven’t heard anything from my employer, but I’d love to know if (and how) other companies are communicating about this. What can (or should) we expect when transportation costs are this high?

My sense is that the majority of employers aren’t doing this, but some companies are offering gas cards or cash stipends or temporarily increasing mileage reimbursement rates. Some are also increasing work-from-home options or temporarily suspending return-to-office mandates. Here are some articles about what specific companies are doing: 1, 2, 3, 4

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How to tell an employee to stop being bossy with coworkers

I run a small, seasonal coffee shop with six employees. I generally have two to four return employees per season, which is a huge asset.

An employee who has worked for me before has asked to come back, and while they are reliable, great with customers, and a very good barista, my other employees struggled with them being a bit overbearing and bossy, sometimes even giving incorrect feedback on procedures, and causing tension. They have a very bubbly and big personality and I don’t believe they realize how they come off. I plan to have a sit-down with them before the season begins to talk through how we can keep this dynamic from repeating. I’m wondering how best to approach the subject without making them feel shut-down or uncomfortable at work.

Part of what I plan to do is to tell them not to instruct coworkers at all, to let me be “the bad guy” and the one to address problems if they arise, and that if they see something concerning, they should come to me and I will decide whether it needs to be addressed, which would also give me the opportunity to let them know if they are just wrong. Where I’m struggling is that it is a big part of their personality to “mother” and I don’t want them to feel like they can’t relax in the space, but I also need them to be aware of how they affect their coworkers, and that contributing to a positive and safe work environment is part of their job. The other side of it is that with me, they tend to need a lot of reassurance that they are doing well, that coffee tastes good, that I’m happy with them, etc. Which means that I don’t tend to see the dynamics as they play out.

Yep, the right move is to tell them not to instruct or train their coworkers and instead to flag things for you so you can decide how and if to address it. That’s true even if they identify as someone who “mothers” — because their coworkers may not want to be mothered, and you don’t want them doing that mothering and in fact it has caused problems when they have.

They’re going to need to keep that tendency outside of work — which is the case with all sorts of parts of people’s personalities! Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “this is part of their personality so I can’t ask them to stifle it” — because that’s how we get work environments where all kinds of inappropriate things are tolerated. You are permitted to say (and indeed, as a manager will often have to say), “Personality trait or not, this won’t work for this space” (and they are permitted to decide whether the job is still one they want under those terms or if they would rather move on).

2. I can’t get a word in during project meetings

I’ve been recently working on a project with people I haven’t worked with before. The type of project it is means that we are working with another external organization on the regular. I have a meeting alongside one of my colleagues, Jim, with executives from the other organization, Sally and Anne. I’m peer to some and junior to others, and on this project I’m junior to all.

Sally, Anne, and Jim all have a previous work history together and know each other quite well. When we have meetings, all three are the type that they talk … a lot … and don’t really let up to let other people jump in with their thoughts and ideas. It’s made it hard for me because despite raising my hand and attempting to cut in, I haven’t been successful in being able to get a word in edgewise. Going above them isn’t really an option because of their roles in their organizations, and I have no control over the agenda.

Speaking to them directly about this isn’t received well and it’s something all three know they are known for anyway. They have big personalities and take things very personally. So when you say something to them, even in a very constructive and thoughtful way, they’ll thank you for the feedback and then behind the scenes tell others that you’re not a team player, and they’ll be petty and passive aggressive to you. Do you have any advice for how I could move past being boxed out and maybe finally get to voice my thoughts in this situation?

Is there ever an opening in these meetings to say, “I’m having trouble getting a word in! I wanted to say something about X.” Or, can you talk to Jim privately before the next meeting and enlist his help? Even though he’s part of the problem, he might be receptive if you frame it as, “The three of you have worked together so closely and have such a good rapport that I’ve had trouble getting any room to talk in our meetings! Do you have advice for how I can create some room to contribute as well? I don’t want to cut people off, and even when I’ve tried it hasn’t really worked.”

If that doesn’t work, then because you’re the most junior one there, this might just be how these meetings are going to go. In that case, one option is to keep a running list of input and questions and take it to Jim (since he’s your coworker) one-on-one afterwards.

3. Should I invite my boss to my housewarming party?

I recently moved into a new apartment, and my partner and I are getting our ducks in a row for a casual housewarming party. Some snacks, BYOB, and some music some evening in the coming weeks as the weather gets nicer and we can use the back yard.

My team at work is a relatively young set-up (we range in ages from early 30s to early 40s, with some outliers on the plus or minus side of that bracket). I will be extending the invite to my work chat group, with no expectations anyone has to be there.

I wonder if I should also extend it to my manager. For context, she is also in her early 30s, around one year older than I actually. We have a pretty good working relationship and understanding so from a social perspective, I wouldn’t have a problem with inviting her and I don’t imagine others would either, as we all get along well in the team.

However, I know there is also a slight imbalance in terms of my being her direct report, and some managers may want to separate church and state and not socialize with their reportees.

If you’re inviting your whole team, it’s fine to invite your manager. She can decline if she wants to! If you’re only inviting a few people, then I’d leave her out.

If you want to be extra cautious, you could explicitly mention there are no hard feelings if anyone can’t make it, so no one feels pressured (but most people will assume that anyway, as long as you are not someone who routinely pressures people to do things they don’t want to).

4. When to disclose neurological issues before a firm diagnosis

Over the past year and a half, I’ve been experiencing some neurological issues that are affecting my work to a noticeable degree. These include lack of focus, limited memory (beyond general forgetfulness), and difficulty with comprehension. My manager has made clear that my work is suffering; I’m a director who is definitely not working at that level.

I am working with doctors to determine what is happening, but the process is going to take some time. In the interim, I’m starting medications. At what point, if any, should I disclose it to my manager? Since I don’t have a diagnosis, I’m not sure what to disclose exactly. But because my performance is obviously impacted (and I’m worried about my position), I’m wondering if I should say something.

Since your manager has already raised the work issues with you, you should definitely make it clear that there’s a medical context for it (so that they don’t assume you’re just checked out, stopped caring, etc.). Say it this way: “I’ve been experiencing some medical issues that are affecting my focus and memory. I’m actively working with my doctor to figure out what’s going on and get it under control. We’re working on treatment, and I’m hopeful it will be resolved soon.”

Related:
how do I handle being off my game at work because of a medical situation?

5. How can I negotiate for maternity leave at a new job?

I started job searching a few months ago, and am now in the final round of interviews for a great position.

After my second interview, I found out I was pregnant. My partner and I are super excited, but there’s a problem: employees of the new organization qualify for maternity leave after working there for 12 months, and they get eight weeks of leave. If I accepted this position, I would work for approximately six months before giving birth.

My current organization provides 12 weeks of maternity leave, and I already qualify for FMLA. Long-term, the new position makes more sense but it’s my first child, and I want that 12 weeks of leave to bond with them and heal.

I think I have a bargaining chip: I have a certain certification that’s rare in my field, but necessary to the new job. The organization would save thousands of dollars if they hired me instead of sponsoring the certification for someone else. If I’m offered the position, how do I negotiate for 12 weeks of maternity leave?

You can be pretty straightforward once you have the offer: explain that you’d love to come on board and are excited to work with them and you’re pregnant and due in (month) and your current employer offers 12 weeks of maternity leave, and ask if they’d be willing to match that for you starting in (month). If they agree, get it in writing.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Our exit interviews are emailed to all managers

I work for a small company with a one-person HR team. When a team member leaves the company by choice, the HR person conducts an exit interview. The transcription of the interview is then emailed to the entire management layer of the company — about a third of the company headcount — without any edits or redactions. Details of personal circumstances, raw feedback about supervisors or coworkers, all of it just out there in the open with names attached.

Many of us middle managers are horrified by this practice and object both on privacy grounds and because there is no clear indication that anything is being done to catalogue, analyze, or respond to the feedback provided in the exit interviews. What are the best practices around exit interviews, and how would you recommend middle management at my company press for something better?

Yeah, this is weird and a bad practice.

You don’t blast out raw exit interviews to a third of the company. I doubt the people who gave that feedback in their exit interviews would appreciate it being used that way — and if word gets out that that’s how they’re handled, exiting employees are going to start being way less candid.

Someone needs to be charged with assessing and synthesizing the info from exit interviews and identifying trends and areas for further evaluation or change; without that, there’s very little point to doing them at al.. Then, that should be shared with whoever has an actual need to know — generally HR and people in the management chain for whatever issues came up, not just “everyone gets to see all of it, all the time, regardless of relevance to them.” Often HR will share trends with the organization’s leadership quarterly, while addressing individual issues as they come up (such a manager needs more management training or a potential legal concern). But the best practice is to keep things as confidential as possible so that feedback can’t be connected with an individual person unless that’s unavoidable to get a problem addressed.

The way it’s being handled now is almost gossip-adjacent, rather than something being used constructively.

You and the other managers who are concerned should ask how the feedback is assessed and used beyond the email blasts you see, and then share the concerns above and propose more targeted use of the information. If you have some examples of sensitive issues that were shared far more widely than they needed to be, mention those and ask for the reasoning in doing that.

Here’s a decent article you could share on how employers can assess the data from exit interviews.

Related:
should I tell the truth in my exit interview?

2. How can I ask about AI use in a job interview?

I’ve started looking for another job for many reasons, but chief among them is my company’s increasing push for everyone to use AI (it’s gone from “this is a helpful tool to use as needed” to “we expect you to use this as much as possible” alarmingly fast). No judgment to those who use AI when needed but I personally try to limit my use as much as possible due to the environmental implications (and a small fear that I may one day be replaced with a robot).

What is the best way to ask a new company about how they’re using AI while you’re interviewing, both for the specific role and company- wide? In case it’s helpful context, I work in an admin/support role.

You can ask pretty directly: “I know AI is changing the way a lot of offices operate. Is it having an impact on the work of this role, and in the company more broadly?”

But the problem is exactly what you saw at the company you’re trying to leave: it can go from “this is a helpful tool to use as needed” to “we expect you to use this as much as possible” alarmingly fast. So the answer you get in an interview might not still be the case a couple of months from now.

You can still ask! You’d just want to be aware that that’s the case.

3. Do employers really distinguish between part-time and full-time work for years of experience?

Have you ever known employers to distinguish between part-time and full-time when checking experience requirements? I’ve never been asked this, but one of my part-time contracting gigs was disproportionately valuable in accruing apparent experience when life didn’t allow me to go full-time. So four years at 10 hours a month counts as four years of experience.

Rather than dropping out entirely to raise kids / go back to school / do a medical thing, why do more workers not just scale way back? (Or do they?)

Yes, some employers do distinguish between part-time and full-time work when they’re calculating how much experience you have, but it depends very much on the role, the type of experience, and how part-time you were — as well as whether they even know it was part-time because they might not.

I wouldn’t count 10 hours a month for four years as being the equivalent of four years of experience, but I’m also not deeply invested in calculating years of experience for most jobs; I’m more interested in your overall expertise. Years of experience can be a decent stand-in for that to some degree, but not the extent that I’d prioritize it over things like how deep your subject knowledge expertise is, the range of challenges you fielded / got exposed to during that time, and what you actually achieved in that time period. Someone could work 40 hours a week for 10 years and still not be better at the work than someone really talented who worked half-time for three years.

To the extent that employers are deeply focused on years of experience as an early-stage screening tool, you mainly see it with more junior-level jobs. A job that says they want two years of experience is communicating something about the general profile of candidate they’re seeking and that it’s not a new grad who interned for four hours a week for their last two years of college.

As to why more people don’t scale way back rather than dropping out of the workforce entirely when they have other things going on: one large reason is because there aren’t nearly as many part-time professional jobs available as people who would likely want them (particularly when you narrow it to their specific field).

Related:
how to calculate how much work experience you have

4. Does the Equal Pay Act apply if you’re both women?

My coworker recently referred her friend to a job opening on our team, and she was hired. As friends do, they compared their compensation numbers and found that the new hire was going to be paid more. They will have the same title and the same responsibilities. My coworker then went to her manager to address this discrepancy and was told that her compensation would not be brought up to match the new hire’s. I know this would be a legal issue if a man was being paid more for the same job, but since the issue is between two women, does the Equal Pay Act still apply? Does my coworker have any recourse to this obvious unfairness?

The Equal Pay Act only prohibits paying men and women differently for the same work; it does not apply if the differently paid employees are the same sex. That’s because the law’s goal isn’t salary parity in general; it’s specifically about sex discrimination.

So your coworker doesn’t have legal recourse, but she can still make the case for a raise based on her own performance and the new info she has now about the value of the work to the company. That said, she should also look at whether there might be legitimate reasons for her friend to be bought in at a higher salary, like a different or more advanced skill set, more experience, different education, stronger track record of achievement previously, etc.