It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Do we need a dress code because one employee’s skirts are too short?

I work in a small marketing office and am part of the leadership team. It shouldn’t matter for this, but I am a woman. We have no written dress code and it is pretty casual. To give you an idea, leggings and tracksuit bottoms are not that uncommon, nor are hoodies and shorts. But I’m not sure that means we have actually no rules. At the extreme end, swimwear and booty shorts would not be okay, nor would a t-shirt with swear words on it.

One staff member, Barbara, stands out a bit in how she dresses — think very short dresses (with tights underneath) and sometimes low-cut tops. I personally don’t care (and have always mentally marked this as a choice but not one that impacts my assessment of her work, which is good, or her character). Another member of staff, Lisa, has asked whether we need to consider tightening the dress code. (I think Barbara was doing something during a break that meant her dress had ridden up, and Lisa has raised it off the back of this.)

One option of course is to do nothing. And maybe that’s fine. But there is a line — no one should have to see their colleague’s underwear. Should we talk to Barbara about this? If we do, how can this be phrased in a way that isn’t awful? I don’t think we want to try to construct an entire dress code because of this either, especially if it were aimed solely at women or solely at “too short skirts.”

I know you don’t want to construct an entire dress code because one person isn’t following it, and you don’t have to — you could just talk to Barbara and let her know that at least one outfit recently exposed her underwear and ask her to ensure she’s wearing clothes to fully cover her undergarments.

But I’d argue that it’s a kindness to spell out more formally what isn’t okay. So far, everyone but Barbara has picked up on it, but given that your office does have some expectations around dress, it’s not ideal to rely on people figuring out those expectations on their own. You might be thinking, “Most people look around and figure it out” — but as you’re seeing, inevitably some of them will get it wrong. Since there is a playbook that you expect people to use (just an unwritten one), it’s kinder to everyone — and better management — to spell it out.

It doesn’t need to be any more proscriptive than the current expectations. It could simply spell out what you’ve spelled out here — no swimwear, booty shorts, or t-shirts with profanity, and clothes should provide enough coverage that undergarments aren’t exposed.

Someone still needs to talk to Barbara; you shouldn’t just roll out a new dress code without explaining to her what she needs to change. But ideally you’d do both.

Related:
our interns are clueless about our office dress code

2. Construction noise when you’re working from the office

I work in a hybrid environment, and our office is located in a multi-tenant building. For the past one to two months, another suite in the building has been undergoing a major retrofit for a new tenant. About a quarter to half of the time, this has involved very loud construction work (concrete boring rather than light drilling), and we occasionally feel vibrations as well. I’ve reduced my in-office days to the minimum required, and when I am on site, I rely heavily on noise-canceling headphones throughout the day. This has helped but I still notice the construction.

How much and for how long is it reasonable to expect office staff to work in conditions like this? Management seems sympathetic to the disruption but hasn’t suggested increasing our work from home days. Management did say they requested that the most disruptive building work be done outside of normal office hours. Is this enough? Should I be expecting more?

Are they actually doing the most disruptive work outside of normal office hours now? If so, that may be the most you can expect if your work really does require you be in the office X number of days this week. If it doesn’t really require that, then it’s reasonable to ask if you can increase your work-from-home days until the construction is done (or at least until the loudest phase of it is done). That request will be stronger if it’s based on “the noise is giving me headaches” or “I can’t hear people on the other end of my call” rather than just “I still notice the construction even with headphones.”

It’s also reasonable to ask about what the timeline is likely to look like, since it’s probably easier to tolerate if you know this is the final week versus if you know it’s going to be like this for months.

3. Blessing the food at an event with employees at my home

I supervise a team of about eight people across multiple offices, and recently, when everyone happened to be in town, I invited them all to my home for dinner. I was explicit that this was an optional, after-work event. I encouraged people not to bring anything (although a few brought desserts, as people will do). When it was time to eat, I offered a brief blessing on the food, a tradition in my faith (and something I think we’ve never skipped in our home, although I’m confident the deity I worship would get over it if we did for one meal).

No one seemed uncomfortable, but after the fact, I wondered whether that was an overstep. On the one hand, members of the team are of different faiths (or no faith at all), and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable. I’d never bring up religious issues in the workplace, and I have no desire to proselytize to my supervisees. On the other hand, this was an event in our home and we were (briefly) observing our usual customs. In future, what would you advise?

Yeah, ideally you’d avoid it when it’s a work gathering, even though it was at your house. But how overtly religious was the blessing? If it was an “in Jesus’s name we pray” type blessing, that’s much more likely to make someone uncomfortable (and be inappropriate for a work gathering) than if it was a fairly general appreciation for the food without any mention of specific sacred figures or texts.

4. I keep missing a morning meeting because of a medication side effect

I work on a team of three. Until a year ago, my team all worked mostly or completely remote. My boss, Rachel, still does, as she lives in a totally different time zone. The third member of our team, Phoebe, and I would do separate check-ins weekly with Rachel. But our company moved to a new location and started requiring all employees within a certain radius of the office to come in on a hybrid basis. Employees outside that radius are allowed to stay fully remote. Phoebe and I are hybrid, and Rachel is remote.

We started doing team check-ins, with Phoebe and me in a conference room and Rachel calling in. Except Phoebe and Rachel are both morning people, starting work at 7 am my time (Rachel is often online even earlier because she is in a time zone ahead). I am … not. I tend to arrive to work closer to 9:30–10, with 10 being the latest allowed by the company. We compromised on a check-in time of 9:30.

Fast forward a few months, and I am on a medication that has a side effect of fatigue, which has hit me badly. I’m still in the office by 10, so I am within the bounds of company rules, but there have been multiple occasions where I have fallen back asleep in the mornings or overslept and missed the 9:30 call. I have explained several times it’s a medication side effect and apologized profusely. But I can tell Rachel is annoyed, even though she always says it’s okay.

I missed the call again today. Phoebe is on a sabbatical right now, so it is just me and Rachel. Rachel’s temporary solution is to have me take the call from home at 9:30, then come to the office, but we’ll need to figure out a more permanent solution when Phoebe returns in a couple months. Rachel has noted she and Phoebe prefer early check-ins, and it doesn’t really make sense to return to separate ones since Phoebe and I will be in the office together.

I know I am the problem here. I am the one who keeps missing the call. And I feel like a child every time I have to say I overslept or missed an alarm again. But I have talked to my doctor and there isn’t much she can do without putting me on a different medication that runs the risk of even worse side effects. I feel like I’m not being heard that this is something that has a very easy solution. If we moved the call an hour later, this would not be an issue. How can I lay this out and make it clearer I need a later check-in time? At least until I figure out a solution that helps me get out of bed in the mornings.

Approach it as a medical accommodation: “I am as frustrated as you that this keeps happening and because it’s medical, at this point I want to ask if we can move our meetings to 10:30 as a medical accommodation, or a later time if you prefer it? I can talk to HR about a formal accommodation if you think I should, but I thought I’d check with you first in case you don’t think going that route is necessary.”

5. Working a full-time job and a part-job for the same employer

My organization allows full-time employees to hold a part-time position within the same organization. I don’t understand how the organization does not get in trouble for violating the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA) with regards to non-exempt full-time employees.

If I work 40 hours this week at my full-time job, how is it allowed that I could then come back and work another 12 hours on the weekends as a part-time position doing something completely different and not accrue 12 hours of overtime pay? It is the same company, and the same pot of money that pays each person. Am I missing some crazy loophole?

Nope, that’s illegal.

If an employee is non-exempt (meaning not exempt from overtime) their employer must pay overtime (time and a half) for all hours over 40 in the week, even if the employee is working two completely different jobs for the same employer. That’s true even if the part-time job on its own would be exempt; if their “main” job is non-exempt, then the additional work gets treated as non-exempt too. (The only exception to this in the law is for government employees, and only if the part-time job is only occasional or sporadic.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I was fired for charging customers’ cash purchases to my credit card

Started my part-time summer job (I am retired) a few weeks ago, working at small convenience/snack/candy store near a local free tourist attraction that opened up for the season. Got fired yesterday.

This year, the store went to a “no cash” payment system. Small sign on the door, another by the register. Problem is, not all people carry other forms of payment besides cash, mostly older folks, plus who wants to use their credit card for a 50 cent piece of candy? To help these customers out, especially ones who don’t have another form of payment available, I accepted their cash, then ran the transaction on my credit card. I asked if this was okay with them before hand and printed off a receipt that I kept for my records to keep everything on the “up and up.”

The owners noticed the number of receipts with my name on it and questioned me. I explained what I was doing and why and they fired me on the spot for “violating company policy.” I asked them to show me the policy and they could not. I asked them what specifically I was doing wrong, they could not give me an answer.

I understand “employment at will” so they can let me go for any reason, but I may file for unemployment because they didn’t have a “valid” reason for firing me and that is why I am writing. Was what I did wrong?

Yeah, it wasn’t wise. You were overriding the store’s payment policy; you basically created your own means for customers to pay, without first checking with your employer. I think they overreacted by firing you — they should have just told you to stop doing it — but you should have asked your manager first if it was okay to do it, especially before doing it multiple times.

Most importantly, having a bunch of receipts with an employee’s name on them is likely to raise red flags from an auditor. Beyond that, though, a customer could come in when you’re not working and expect a different cashier to do the same thing you were doing, and then be upset or frustrated when they refuse. It also opens your employer to accusations that they’re accepting cash from some customers and not from others.

2. New boss keeps questioning how I’m doing things

When I started this job about 10 months ago, my old manager made sure to give me positive feedback, even when I was new. Any negative feedback became a conversation instead of something accusatory, and she noted in my performance reviews that I was doing great but needed more confidence. My old manager made me feel heard and like I could talk to her about any troubles I was having at work.

However, she left the company, and our team’s new manager isn’t as great. It’s only been a few weeks but I constantly feel questioned as to why I’m doing things the way I am. What’s worse is that I don’t notice her asking similar things to my teammates. I feel like I’m being singled out and I’m the youngest with the least amount of experience. I never get positive feedback from my new manager, and it’s taking a toll on my self-esteem because I can’t accurately judge if I’m good at the job or not.

Do you have any advice for me? I really like the job and with my old manager, saw myself staying for years. Now I’m contemplating if I want to stick around more.

It’s possible that you’re being singled out because you’re the least experienced, but it’s also possible that you’re being singled out because your new manager finds you the most approachable or thinks your explanations are the clearest or shortest or she likes your way of doing things. It’s also possible that she’s asking your coworkers and you just don’t see it. Or, yes, it’s possible that she’s doubting your expertise.

But why not ask her? You could say, “Do you have concerns about the way I’m doing things like X or Y? You’ve asked me a lot about it, and I wasn’t sure if you’re just interested in the way we do this or if you’re concerned by anything about how I’m approaching the work.”

3. We give raises to salaried workers, but not hourly workers

I work for a private college. They annually give cost-of-living raises to salaried employees, but hourly employees in the department I oversee and in comparable departments have stayed the same for the last eight years. I’ve spoken to my manager, who is a very nice human but doesn’t want to be seen as challenging and struggles with negotiations in any setting.

I’m trying to prep him effectively to argue that if both merit and cost-of-living raises are the norm for salaried employees, then even if part-time roles are capped on a pay scale and even if merit raises are not an option, if the company recognizes the need for cost-of-living raises for salaried workers, this logic should be applied to anyone working for the organization. Would love some input.

What on earth. If an employer recognizes cost-of-living raises are necessary to keep up with inflation, there’s no logical basis for excluding hourly workers from that (unless there’s some really odd and extenuating circumstance, like that somehow all the salaried workers just happened to be dramatically underpaid and none of the hourly workers are, which seems pretty unlikely). Are they just completely uninterested in retaining the hourly workers and unconcerned by the costs of finding and training replacements?

In your boss’s shoes, I’d start by asking for the reasoning for excluding hourly workers from salary adjustments to keep up with inflation and go from there (next, presumably pointing out that hourly workers face the same cost-of-living increases as other employees, and that turnover from not retaining them will be disruptive).

4. How can people get my attention when I’m wearing headphones?

I work in an open concept floor plan, with my desk facing (gloriously!) a window. To cope with the noise and to be able to focus, I wear noise-cancelling headphones that really block out everything.

People often come up behind me and want to get my attention. I was wondering if there was any technology gimmick that I could use — something like a button they could press for a light to turn on at my desk, or something to push a notification. The sillier, the better! I am not shy about putting together something custom. Any ideas, or even keywords that I could search, would be amazing!

Right now I am trying to use a mirror, which is probably the best low-tech option, but I’d love to know if there’s something more fun I could do.

There are earbuds that allow you to hear human voices over music — but it sounds like you’re purposely trying to drown out human voices most of the time.

There’s also tech that was initially developed for deaf users that will trigger a visual alert like flashing a desk lamp. The search term you want is “alerting devices.”

5. What are employers doing about high gas prices?

I’m curious if your readers are hearing anything from their employers regarding the exorbitant gas and oil prices right now? I haven’t heard anything from my employer, but I’d love to know if (and how) other companies are communicating about this. What can (or should) we expect when transportation costs are this high?

My sense is that the majority of employers aren’t doing this, but some companies are offering gas cards or cash stipends or temporarily increasing mileage reimbursement rates. Some are also increasing work-from-home options or temporarily suspending return-to-office mandates. Here are some articles about what specific companies are doing: 1, 2, 3

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How to tell an employee to stop being bossy with coworkers

I run a small, seasonal coffee shop with six employees. I generally have two to four return employees per season, which is a huge asset.

An employee who has worked for me before has asked to come back, and while they are reliable, great with customers, and a very good barista, my other employees struggled with them being a bit overbearing and bossy, sometimes even giving incorrect feedback on procedures, and causing tension. They have a very bubbly and big personality and I don’t believe they realize how they come off. I plan to have a sit-down with them before the season begins to talk through how we can keep this dynamic from repeating. I’m wondering how best to approach the subject without making them feel shut-down or uncomfortable at work.

Part of what I plan to do is to tell them not to instruct coworkers at all, to let me be “the bad guy” and the one to address problems if they arise, and that if they see something concerning, they should come to me and I will decide whether it needs to be addressed, which would also give me the opportunity to let them know if they are just wrong. Where I’m struggling is that it is a big part of their personality to “mother” and I don’t want them to feel like they can’t relax in the space, but I also need them to be aware of how they affect their coworkers, and that contributing to a positive and safe work environment is part of their job. The other side of it is that with me, they tend to need a lot of reassurance that they are doing well, that coffee tastes good, that I’m happy with them, etc. Which means that I don’t tend to see the dynamics as they play out.

Yep, the right move is to tell them not to instruct or train their coworkers and instead to flag things for you so you can decide how and if to address it. That’s true even if they identify as someone who “mothers” — because their coworkers may not want to be mothered, and you don’t want them doing that mothering and in fact it has caused problems when they have.

They’re going to need to keep that tendency outside of work — which is the case with all sorts of parts of people’s personalities! Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “this is part of their personality so I can’t ask them to stifle it” — because that’s how we get work environments where all kinds of inappropriate things are tolerated. You are permitted to say (and indeed, as a manager will often have to say), “Personality trait or not, this won’t work for this space” (and they are permitted to decide whether the job is still one they want under those terms or if they would rather move on).

2. I can’t get a word in during project meetings

I’ve been recently working on a project with people I haven’t worked with before. The type of project it is means that we are working with another external organization on the regular. I have a meeting alongside one of my colleagues, Jim, with executives from the other organization, Sally and Anne. I’m peer to some and junior to others, and on this project I’m junior to all.

Sally, Anne, and Jim all have a previous work history together and know each other quite well. When we have meetings, all three are the type that they talk … a lot … and don’t really let up to let other people jump in with their thoughts and ideas. It’s made it hard for me because despite raising my hand and attempting to cut in, I haven’t been successful in being able to get a word in edgewise. Going above them isn’t really an option because of their roles in their organizations, and I have no control over the agenda.

Speaking to them directly about this isn’t received well and it’s something all three know they are known for anyway. They have big personalities and take things very personally. So when you say something to them, even in a very constructive and thoughtful way, they’ll thank you for the feedback and then behind the scenes tell others that you’re not a team player, and they’ll be petty and passive aggressive to you. Do you have any advice for how I could move past being boxed out and maybe finally get to voice my thoughts in this situation?

Is there ever an opening in these meetings to say, “I’m having trouble getting a word in! I wanted to say something about X.” Or, can you talk to Jim privately before the next meeting and enlist his help? Even though he’s part of the problem, he might be receptive if you frame it as, “The three of you have worked together so closely and have such a good rapport that I’ve had trouble getting any room to talk in our meetings! Do you have advice for how I can create some room to contribute as well? I don’t want to cut people off, and even when I’ve tried it hasn’t really worked.”

If that doesn’t work, then because you’re the most junior one there, this might just be how these meetings are going to go. In that case, one option is to keep a running list of input and questions and take it to Jim (since he’s your coworker) one-on-one afterwards.

3. Should I invite my boss to my housewarming party?

I recently moved into a new apartment, and my partner and I are getting our ducks in a row for a casual housewarming party. Some snacks, BYOB, and some music some evening in the coming weeks as the weather gets nicer and we can use the back yard.

My team at work is a relatively young set-up (we range in ages from early 30s to early 40s, with some outliers on the plus or minus side of that bracket). I will be extending the invite to my work chat group, with no expectations anyone has to be there.

I wonder if I should also extend it to my manager. For context, she is also in her early 30s, around one year older than I actually. We have a pretty good working relationship and understanding so from a social perspective, I wouldn’t have a problem with inviting her and I don’t imagine others would either, as we all get along well in the team.

However, I know there is also a slight imbalance in terms of my being her direct report, and some managers may want to separate church and state and not socialize with their reportees.

If you’re inviting your whole team, it’s fine to invite your manager. She can decline if she wants to! If you’re only inviting a few people, then I’d leave her out.

If you want to be extra cautious, you could explicitly mention there are no hard feelings if anyone can’t make it, so no one feels pressured (but most people will assume that anyway, as long as you are not someone who routinely pressures people to do things they don’t want to).

4. When to disclose neurological issues before a firm diagnosis

Over the past year and a half, I’ve been experiencing some neurological issues that are affecting my work to a noticeable degree. These include lack of focus, limited memory (beyond general forgetfulness), and difficulty with comprehension. My manager has made clear that my work is suffering; I’m a director who is definitely not working at that level.

I am working with doctors to determine what is happening, but the process is going to take some time. In the interim, I’m starting medications. At what point, if any, should I disclose it to my manager? Since I don’t have a diagnosis, I’m not sure what to disclose exactly. But because my performance is obviously impacted (and I’m worried about my position), I’m wondering if I should say something.

Since your manager has already raised the work issues with you, you should definitely make it clear that there’s a medical context for it (so that they don’t assume you’re just checked out, stopped caring, etc.). Say it this way: “I’ve been experiencing some medical issues that are affecting my focus and memory. I’m actively working with my doctor to figure out what’s going on and get it under control. We’re working on treatment, and I’m hopeful it will be resolved soon.”

Related:
how do I handle being off my game at work because of a medical situation?

5. How can I negotiate for maternity leave at a new job?

I started job searching a few months ago, and am now in the final round of interviews for a great position.

After my second interview, I found out I was pregnant. My partner and I are super excited, but there’s a problem: employees of the new organization qualify for maternity leave after working there for 12 months, and they get eight weeks of leave. If I accepted this position, I would work for approximately six months before giving birth.

My current organization provides 12 weeks of maternity leave, and I already qualify for FMLA. Long-term, the new position makes more sense but it’s my first child, and I want that 12 weeks of leave to bond with them and heal.

I think I have a bargaining chip: I have a certain certification that’s rare in my field, but necessary to the new job. The organization would save thousands of dollars if they hired me instead of sponsoring the certification for someone else. If I’m offered the position, how do I negotiate for 12 weeks of maternity leave?

You can be pretty straightforward once you have the offer: explain that you’d love to come on board and are excited to work with them and you’re pregnant and due in (month) and your current employer offers 12 weeks of maternity leave, and ask if they’d be willing to match that for you starting in (month). If they agree, get it in writing.