It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I inherited a team from a terrible manager

Thanks to your help, I have a shiny new job. I’ve inherited a team where the last manager, Jane, was a true chaos agent. I’m getting stories of her ignoring staff, not communicating on projects or workload at all, putting the blame on staff to senior manager when projects didn’t happen, drinking too much at work events, inappropriate behavior. All her behavior went unchecked for some years until she was suddenly let go.

The team are generally exhausted. There is some anger that they escalated complaints about Jane and nothing was done (until it was). At least one openly says she has PTSD.

I am trying to support the team and be an aggressively good manager. I’m being transparent about what I’m working on and how it involves them, consulting with them on planning, giving them clear guidance and timelines and so on. They are being super receptive to everything, and bringing good attitudes to the table because they seem so relieved to have a normal manager.

Every single day I’m getting multiple team members say, “Wow, it’s not like it was before” and “Wow, Jane would never have done that” or “Jane always did XYZ, it was awful.”

When they say these things, I want to acknowledge what they’ve been through but also not have meetings turn into group therapy sessions. And when the flush of me being not Jane has worn off, I’m sure they will discover some things they don’t like. They won’t get to do whatever they want all day anymore (like they were before) for a start.

So how do I best support this traumatized team to get the most out of them and help them move on, and what do I say when they start in on the Jane stories?

Visibly being an aggressively good manager (as you’re doing) and time. It’s going to take a while for them to viscerally feel and trust that they’re working in a different situation now and for the stability of that to feel solid.

In response to the comments about how things used to be under Jane, try to keep things moving forward in a reasonably upbeat way: “This is what I’ve found to work well” … “I’m always open to feedback if you have it” … “I’m glad this sounds better to you” … “Let’s see how this goes!” … etc.

I do think you can be open to some one-on-one venting about what happened in the past — and it might give you useful insights into some of the clean-up you’re going to have to do — but it shouldn’t be a group activity that takes over team meetings; that tends to go off the rails quickly and can keep people mired in the past longer. If you see that happening and redirection doesn’t resolve it pretty quickly, it might be worth addressing directly: “I know this team has had a rough time of it. I’m seeing our meetings start to derail on how things used to be, and while some of that is understandable to process the changes this team has been through, I also want to keep us focused on what we’re doing now.” (That said, if people are really struggling with it, there might be value in one discussion to process it together, for anyone who wants to participate, with the understanding that the team needs to move forward after that.)

2. Application asked about how anxiety affects your work

I was filling out a teacher job application and it had a questionnaire that included this question:

“In the last period of time, how much has anxiety interfered with your interaction with your team mates?” The answers you could choose from were:
* None
* Mild; some interactions have been strained, but no serious problems
* Moderate, we have complained or accused each other of minor insults or work slip-ups
* Severe, I am concerned that anxiety has made it difficult to work effectively as a team
* Extreme, I am concerned that my anxiety makes it impossible to work with others on this team

Is this question illegal?

If you’re in the U.S., it’s illegal. Employers can’t legally ask questions that are designed to suss out the existence of a disability. They could certainly ask questions about your relationships with coworkers and how effectively you’ve worked on a team, but they can’t ask, as they’re effectively doing here, “Do you have anxiety and, if so, how does it show up at work?”

3. I did a huge amount of work to save my team’s butt — and no one has even thanked me

My office was changing to a new system in a month after working toward it for over a year, and my manager called me into a meeting, near tears, and told me that the new system had not been set up to create important reports that we desperately need. Our work runs on these reports. We report to auditors and the government using these reports. We track our own data using these reports. Not having them wasn’t an option.

She asked if I had any ideas as to what could be done because I’m good with Excel, and if I knew any formulas that could organize this data in the way we needed.

I spent weeks designing a sprawling framework that automatically mapped all of our data into six wildly different reports, including some that were requested after the initial meeting as a “want” rather than a “need.” I learned new skills to make this happen and put aside my own work to get it done. I worked late. I analyzed and picked apart the old reports to correct the mapping, even identifying errors in the old reports that needed to be corrected moving forward. It was a ton of work and no one else in my department could have created this, including my manager. It felt like a miracle when I pulled it off. It is now being utilized by all levels of management in my division due to how useful it is.

And I never even received a thank you.

Now, six months on, it is invariably “my” file when there is an update or correction that needs to be made, but “our” file in every other context. That’s it.

I’m not expecting a parade or a promotion, but there hasn’t even been a conversation highlighting that someone at least understands that I pulled our butts out of the fire in a major way. I’m wondering if I’m being too sensitive? I work here. It wasn’t volunteer work; they paid me to do it. But without me, they would have had to delay launch and pay the system designers a whole lot of money to get the result I basically handed to them. Is it wrong to expect a ‘thank you’ for working, even if the task was this far outside of my normal purview?

No, you absolutely should have been recognized for going above and beyond and solving a massive problem! That would be true even if it were a normal part of your job; it’s extra true because it wasn’t.

You should ask for a raise, and make this a centerpiece of your argument for why you deserve it — both the creation of the system itself, and your ongoing role in keeping it working.

4. My boss’ personality changed after brain surgery

I’ve worked for the same boss at the same company for 16 years. During that time, my boss needed brain surgery. It’s been three years since his surgery, and his personality and management style have taken quite a turn for the worse. Instead of the demanding but fair boss I worked with for so many years, he is now harsh and downright mean — to the point that other colleagues will contact me privately after an undeserved public dressing down to ask if I’m okay. Executive leadership has been present for some of these meltdowns and have not intervened.

After three very difficult years working with him, I’m looking for another job and it looks like I’m about to get a very welcome offer. But I’m wondering how honest I should be in my eventual exit interview. Should I highlight these personality shifts to HR as a reason for leaving? It doesn’t seem quite fair to my boss, because it is very possible and even likely that these personality changes are due to the brain surgery itself and therefore there is little that can be done to change for the better. All the same, I’ve been shielding the rest of the more junior team from his mercurial moods as best I can and feel guilty quietly leaving them to deal with him in this state.

I want to approach this both honestly and compassionately, and any advice is appreciated!

Yes, tell HR. Your boss is in a position of power over other people and being abusive to them; it’s not a question of whether or not he can help it, it’s a question of the fact that it’s happening. You can certainly present it through a compassionate lens — specifying that it’s a change since his surgery and you realize it might stem from that — but it would be a significant kindness to the people left behind if you make someone aware that it’s happening. (And while executive leadership has seen some of it, they don’t necessarily know the extent of it.)

5. Leaving after I successfully pass a performance improvement plan

I’ve been on a performance improvement plan (PIP) for the past few months (it was paused for a long while) due to poor performance that ended up being caused by a sudden onset of a pretty serious disease.

Now that I’m recovering and back at work, my PIP is active again and … well, I’m progressing fine. No major issues, hitting KPIs and not feeling terrible after the work day. Barring any major hiccups, it’s looking like I’ll pass it.

I want to relax and get into the groove again but on the other hand, the way the middle levels of the company treated me while I was ill (grandboss and HR), up to and including open mockery in meetings. I still want out.

I really love my team but I’ve lost trust in the company. I also have wider issues with the workplace that are more of “we need to all join the union” problems but those don’t really factor into my PIP, they just piss me off.

I’m dealing with guilt from wanting to leave, anger from how I was treated, exhaustion from fighting an illness that impacted my life for the better part of two years and the longing to leave to see if I can get a better deal in a new workplace (likely outside of my current high-stress field). Obviously there’s a lot of parts at play here, but is it common to pass a PIP and leave anyway? Is it ethically questionable?

It’s in no way ethically questionable to leave after passing a PIP. It would be in no way ethically questionable to leave if the PIP had never happened, either. If you want to leave, you get to leave! Ethics don’t come into it, unless you’re, like, an airline pilot parachuting out of the plane mid-flight.

People end up leaving shortly after PIPs all the time — sometimes because they feel poorly treated, but sometimes because the PIP made them realize the job wasn’t a great match (whether due to the work itself or their manager’s expectations, or because the PIP made them feel too much instability, or all sorts of other things).

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I take a job with my politician brother?

My brother is running for local office as a Democrat in our very blue state. I think he has a great shot at winning, and not just saying that because he is my brother. This district has swung very blue since 24. His GOP opponents are definitely beatable.

My state has no rules or guidelines on nepotism in office. So if he wins, and he probably can, I will almost certainly be offered something in his office. I will almost certainly be offered some office in his campaign, as well. Should I take it? On the one hand, it’s working for the family in a huge pressure cooker. On the other hand, it’d be a great experience, and it’s not just a family business. He and I also get along pretty well. Unless it crashes and burns, which could be detrimental. Do you have any advice about what questions to ask myself or him to decide if this would work? Or any guidelines we should set in place if I do decide to do this?

Eh. Do you want to be a nepotism hire, with all that comes with that — like people assuming that you got the job because of your brother and not on merit, colleagues not being candid around you because it might get back to your brother, and — if it’s a job you couldn’t get without the family connection — potentially being responsible for work you don’t have the professional seasoning to do as well as someone experienced could do? And that’s before we even get into the personal complications of working with family, including changing the nature of your relationship with your brother?

Some people clearly calculate that those trade-offs are worth it to them, but those are the factors I’d try to look at as realistically as possible.

More here:
should I take a job working for my dad?
I am the nepotism hire who no one likes

2. Our retreats are full of physical activities I can’t do

I work at an organization that’s full of outdoorsy people, and most employees work outside at least once a week. I have an admin position and almost always work indoors, at home. This is great for me because I have fibromyalgia and don’t have very much energy for outdoor, physical work. I have trouble standing for long periods of time and have passed out or almost passed out several times in the past while working outside.

However, we have staff retreats several times a year, and they are often set outside and involve a lot of physical activity (hiking, kayaking, etc.). Sometimes I am able to do these activities, and sometimes I’m not. Attendance is required, although it’s not really clear what the consequences would be if we skipped them.

Most of my coworkers relish these retreats and often say how glad they are that we have them outside. The retreats give me a lot of anxiety, because I either won’t be able to do the physical activities, or they will likely cause a flare-up and I’ll have to take time off to recover. I worry that if I ask for some alternatives that are less physical/indoors, my coworkers will resent me. This is especially the case for our team retreats, because our team is small and it wouldn’t make much sense for us to split up to do separate activities, so everyone would end up doing something less physical/indoors. My boss is aware of my fibromyalgia and I have told him that I really struggle with outdoor activities, but since I haven’t needed to formally ask for accommodations (because my core responsibilities don’t require outdoors work) he hasn’t made any changes to our retreats.

How can I ask for what I need without putting a damper on the retreats for the rest of my team?

Bring it up now, before the next one is announced, and say this to your boss: “While I’ve tried to make it work in the past, for health reasons I won’t be able to participate in the physical activities at retreats from now on, like kayaking or hiking. Would it be better for me to not attend, or could we start planning retreats that don’t center around those types of activities?” Alternately, if you prefer to attend and just want different activities, reword that last sentence to, “I get a lot of value out of attending, so could we look at activities that don’t require those physical abilities?” You might also add, “I imagine at some point we may hire others with similar restrictions, and I know we want to be as inclusive as we can.”

If being more inclusive makes your coworkers resentful … well, first, your boss should own this decision himself, not attribute it to you. But also, this is part of working with other people, and they’ll need to get over it! They are free to kayak and hike in their off hours as much as they’d like.

3. Should we stop suspending people without pay before firing them?

My employer’s corrective action plan states that any employee who is issued a final warning (the last step before termination) serves an immediate one-day unpaid suspension. The reasoning is stated to be to emphasize the seriousness of the offense. Recently, I’ve had to enact this policy for someone who has repeatedly violated our attendance policy. I have brought up the fact that it seems pretty silly to suspend someone for not coming to work, and our admin team seems to agree and we may be altering this policy.

In your opinion, are these sort of punitive policies effective or necessary? To me it seems a bit demeaning and assumes our employees aren’t mature enough to understand the consequences of their actions and a bit cruel as we’re weaponizing people’s pay/livelihoods against them. Also, it ends up being a logistical nightmare figuring out how employees are going to serve said suspensions without affecting business operations.

Yeah, you should get rid of the one-day unpaid suspension policy. It’s purely punitive, and the entire concept of “punishment” doesn’t belong at work. There should be natural consequences when people badly mess up, which could be anything from getting less autonomy or less flexibility all the way to losing the job — but those consequences should be the logical result of whatever the problems were, not punishment imposed for punishment’s sake.

If your company’s managers are managing well — setting clear expectations, giving clear feedback, and addressing it forthrightly when someone’s not meeting the bar they need — that should be all they need.

4. I joined the DEI council and they’re asking me for way too much

I work at a large academic medical center and I joined a DEI council at work for staff members across the institution. I was originally told it was a small commitment (on the level of 7-8 hours a month) and it seemed like a good way to connect with people and help out with causes that are important to me.

That does not feel like what I got. I joined a project subcommittee and was handed a project plan to rework that involved organizing equity trainings across the college. The plan was no longer viable as it was several years old. Then it came up a couple of months after we started that the institution would not be able to support creating or facilitating any training sessions, and we would have to shift to something else instead. The way this news was announced by the liaison to the administration made me think it was a known constraint that we weren’t made aware of at the outset.

This something else is likely a resource website, but it appears that my group will have to start from zero and develop all the content ourselves. And I am absolutely not qualified to do that in any way! I am a data analyst for a research lab whose only relevant experience is being part of a marginalized community. And it would be a huge time sink to do it justice.

The other subcommittees seem like less effort, focusing on engaging the full committee and doing some minor event planning (think panel discussions and holiday celebrations).

Is their expectation for the project reasonable under these circumstances? And assuming it is unreasonable, do you have any suggestions on how to get out of it? I technically made a two-year commitment and I’m on month six.

Nope, it’s not reasonable — but even if it were, you’d still be able to explain you didn’t realize that was what you were signing up for and that unfortunately it’s not work you’re able to do.

That’s the framing I’d use here: “I’m sorry, my understanding was that I was signing up for seven or eight hours a month doing things like XYZ. This project is significantly larger and not one I am equipped to take on — and it’s important enough that it should be done by someone qualified to do  it. I’m happy to stay on the larger council if you’d like me to, but I need to step down from this subcommittee.”

5. Resigning when I’m on my honeymoon

I’m interviewing for a job I’m really hopeful for and it’s going well! My third interview (meeting the team) is tomorrow. My concern is about leaving my current job.

Next week I’ll leave for my three-week honeymoon. If I get a job offer while I’m on vacation, what’s the best way to handle this? Do I submit my resignation ASAP? Submit it the second I return and work for two more weeks, assuming my new job would even be okay with that?

For what it’s worth, I am doing my best to leave a list of instructions for “while I’m on vacation” that doubles as instructions for “while I’m gone forever.” My potential new job is already aware of my travel dates and is not concerned about that affecting my start date. And I’m honestly kind of desperate to run out the door from my current job.

One option is to feel out the new job on how comfortable they’d be with you pushing your start date back enough that you could still work one to two weeks at your current job after you return, in order to help transition your work. A lot of employers would be completely fine with that (and would hope their employees would do the same in your situation). If you can do that, that’s the best option.

But if they can’t be flexible on that (and there can be legitimate reasons for that) and you’re not going to be able to give much or any notice, then yes — you’d contact your boss from your vacation, apologize for the timing and say you know it’s not ideal, but you didn’t want to wait until you got back so that they could have the maximum possible notice.