It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How can I politely dodge a coworker’s MLM product party?

How do you politely dodge coworkers’ MLM “parties”? I despise multi-level marketing schemes (MLMs). They’re predatory, cult-like organizations, and I refuse to support them in any way.

A coworker recently invited me to her cookware-hawking “party.” Putting aside the fact that I rarely cook anything more elaborate than spaghetti, I really just can’t bring myself to support this. The problem is, this is a colleague who I like a lot and collaborate with regularly. I don’t want to lecture her about the toxic nature of these companies but it feels rude to just blow it off. I’d claim to be busy, but it’s an online event. How do I politely turn it down?

“I don’t really buy cookware, but thank you!”

If she responds that you don’t need to buy anything and it’ll be fun just to attend: “They’re not really my thing, but thanks anyway.” (Or you could just say that from the start.)

If you were someone she knew to be an avid cook, you could also say, “I’m super picky about cookware and only have a couple of brands I buy” or “I’m trying to be disciplined about not buying any new kitchen things.” And if she pushed after that: “It’s not really my thing, but thank you.”

MLMs often train their salespeople in how to overcome objections so any of these answers could spur her to try to change your mind (which would be especially inappropriate to do with a coworker, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen) but falling back on “it’s not really my thing” will work as long as you’re firm about sticking to it. (In fact, that’s often the case with boundaries — it almost doesn’t matter what specific you land on, as long as you are willing to stick to it.)

2. Manager is fixated on very old mistakes

I’ve been working at my current job in mechanical design for a little over a year and a half. An inherent part of the design process in my industry is very long lead times for client feedback and other departments doing their portion of the design, which means it can be months before a design I have finished actually starts being built.

My boss frequently calls me in to lecture me about errors in projects I worked on a year or more ago, when I was still brand new and had very little experience with how the company did things, but weren’t noticed until production began more recently. I know I’ve improved significantly since those early days, and would never make the obvious mistakes I did early on, but my boss talks about these errors in the present tense as if they are happening now, and dismisses any explanation I offer about how long its been and how much I have improved. My coworker who started the same day I did gets treated the same way, and the two of us have already gotten one email from our boss’s boss about the errors we “are” making and how it costs the company money to fix.

For the most part my job is very satisfying. I enjoy the work, the hours are very flexible and open to WFH if needed, and aside from this issue my boss isn’t bad; they answer questions and explain things when I ask, leaving me alone to work at my own pace otherwise. But it’s frustrating and demoralizing to feel like I’m being judged and evaluated based on an image that is very much not reflective of my current work and I’m constantly concerned about being warned or even fired because of those past errors. Aside from privately tracking my corrected errors, which suffers from the same long delay between design and production, how can I prepare myself in case the department manager continues to get an outdated impression of my performance?

Can you name it for your manager? For example: “You’ve pointed out a few errors to me recently that were from back when I first started, like X and Y, and I want to make sure you know that that’s not something I’m still doing currently — it was back from when I was learning the job and still figuring things out. I’m always grateful to get feedback, but I also don’t want you to worry that those are errors I’m still making.”

Depending on how that goes, you could also say, “Is there a good way for me to communicate than an error was from a year or more ago when I was still learning? I don’t want to sound defensive when you’re giving me feedback — I definitely want any feedback you have for me — but ideally I’d like you to know if it’s something from a while back that is no longer happening.” She may not have a good answer to that, but the act of asking it should help get it on her radar as a thing that’s happening.

3. Child care and hotel rooms when two spouses are attending the same work conference

I wrote in last year about my spouse’s company suddenly competing with mine (update here). My spouse and I still aren’t bidding on the same work (thank goodness!), but we do still work in similar roles for separate clients in different industries. Turns out, both of those clients use the same vendor who hosts an important annual conference. We now may both be asked to attend the same conference!

In our previous, child-free life, that would be no problem. But per my previous update, we now have a baby to consider! We can’t both travel to the same conference without a childcare option. Our options would be flying a relative out to take care of the baby while we are traveling or bringing the baby with us and seeking a childcare option during the day (and likely evening with busy conference schedules!). Do you think we would have any grounds to ask for our companies to pay for childcare during the travel days? I doubt it, but curious about your opinion of what’s normal in cases like this. I have nightmares of us bringing the baby to the conference and switching off care between sessions. I’m not serious about that one, but could you imagine how awful it would be to attempt nap time behind a booth or in some random conference room?

Separately, what would we do about a hotel? It would be weird for us to travel and get two separate hotel rooms, but I couldn’t ask my company to pay for half of a hotel room, right? Does anyone else attend the same conference with their spouse for different companies and run into issues like this?

You can’t really ask your company to pay for child care in a case like this; in all but the most unusual situations (where you have an extremely hard-to-find skill set and are wildly in demand) that would come across as out of touch. You’re generally expected to figure out child care or explain you can’t go. Is the latter an option for one of you?

But if you do both go, for the hotel one of you would just tell your company that you don’t need them to book a hotel room because your spouse will also be there and you’ll be sharing a room.

4. Backing out of a summer job if I get a better offer

I’m a college student who recently applied to several summer internships in my dream industry. I’m pretty confident in how I presented myself, but I also want to be realistic about this pretty competitive industry, so I also applied to some local businesses as back-up summer jobs. The problem is, many of these local places have responded to me expressing interest much faster than the internships. If I get into an internship, I’ll definitely take it, but I don’t want to turn down any of my back-ups before I know that for sure.

What do I say if I get a hiring offer from a back-up job while I still have a chance at the internships? If I accept and then get a better opportunity, is there a tactful way to back out of that job, without seeming disrespectful or damaging my credibility with the business?

This is a thing that happens with summer jobs. They won’t be thrilled, but they’re unlikely to be shocked or outraged either. You’d simply say something like, “Unfortunately I’ve had a conflict come up and I won’t be able to work with you for the summer. I really appreciate you offering me the opportunity, and I wanted to let you know as soon as possible. I apologize for any inconvenience this causes, and I wish you and the team all the best for the summer.” They might be loath to hire you in the future, but that’s just how this stuff goes.

5. Is networking required to get a job now?

I’m seeing a lot of stuff online saying that because the job market is so bad right now, the best way to get a job is through networking. On some posts you say networking is nice but not a requirement; you can still get jobs without it. Is that still true, or is networking now a must-have?

And if it is a must, what are some good ways to start networking with strangers? I’m job searching now but I’m not sure if I can rely on my current/former coworker network for jobs.

Networking is helpful but not a must-have. People get hired without networking all the time!

That said, it can make your job search easier, so it’s a good thing to do to whatever extent you can, because it can get your application an additional look that will help you stand out among a slew of qualified candidates.

Here’s some past advice on how to do it.

how to tell your network you’re looking for a job
how to send a networking email that won’t be ignored
how do I use alumni contacts in my job search?
I hate the idea of networking — it feels slimy
what does good networking actually look like?

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Employees don’t participate in our community outreach activities

I’m a part of the “good will” committee for my office location, as well as the large committee for the whole company. Lately I’ve been feeling a struggle of getting other employees actively involved in our initiatives. Good will is a named tenet of our company, and we have a pretty healthy annual budget to go along with it.

We try and have one or two initiatives per month that have varying degrees of involvement. Sometimes it involved volunteering onsite (during work hours or directly after). Sometimes it’s asking for donations (gently used books or unexpired canned goods/shelf stable foods). We’re not asking people to go and spend their own money on things. The most successful ones are in-office, during office hours, but there’s only so many opportunities for those.

We also try and cover a variety of different areas — unhoused people, kids/schools, food scarcity, women, LGBTQIA+, community gardens and book depositories, animals, BIPOCs groups. We also ask employees about groups they would like to see us support.

I just feel like it’s been a struggle lately to get people involved. People never seem to have issues finding time for sporting events or happy hours, but no one seems to want to do a shift at the food bank. Shocking, I know. Any ideas on how to get people motivated?

They may not want to. Some people want to spend their limited downtime relaxing, and that’s okay. I’’m not sure it’s appropriate for an employer to try to change that.

People are exhausted right now, and they’re at work to earn money, not to volunteer. A lot of people who are charity-minded do their charity work on their own time, and don’t feel their employer needs to claim the credit for those efforts. If your company wants to do good in the community, that should mean it’s coming from your company’s resources — its money and its time (meaning that this should all happen on work time, not after hours, and other work needs to be moved aside to create space for it; the expectation shouldn’t be that people’s regular workloads don’t change at all to make room for it). If the company isn’t willing to do that, then this is just a value they’ve stuck on a list, not a genuine value they hold.

All that said, I think you have the answer when you say, “The most successful ones are in-office, during office hours, but there’s only so many opportunities for those.” If people aren’t interested in ones outside of that category, that’s feedback worth listening to! And if there are only so many opportunities for those, then maybe you stick to those because that’s what employees are up for.

Beyond that, talk to people! Survey employees on what they are and aren’t interested in participating in — both in terms of specific activities and general categories of activities (during work hours, 5-7 pm, drives where you bring items from home, etc.), and also ask how they’d like to see the company live out this value. That’s what ultimately should shape it.

2. Should I tell my manager about a recurring issue with a coworker?

I’m a receptionist at a small healthcare-adjacent company and would appreciate your advice on a recurring issue with a remote customer service representative, “Donna.”

Callers frequently report being hung up on a few minutes after I forward them to the customer service line. Almost every caller who tells me this has mentioned they were speaking with Donna when it happened, which is a problem I don’t encounter with any other representatives.

Because our work involves urgent health-related matters and long wait times, these disconnections can be pretty significant for our clients. Sometimes they’re sitting in the queue listening to hold music for 20 or 30 minutes before having to start over again because upon being transferred to Donna, they get disconnected.

Thing is, I’m hesitant to report this to our supervisor because the guy is a severe micromanager, and I want to avoid subjecting anybody to having to deal with him. I’ve been the subject of his ire before, and it’s not fun when his laser beams get trained on you. However, I’m growing concerned that Donna may be intentionally disconnecting calls, or has an unstable remote connection. How would you suggest I handle this situation?

You need to tell your manager about it. It’s a significant issue, and it’s got to be incredibly frustrating for your callers — and your position means you’re probably the only person (other than Donna) who’s aware of it. Your position does give you standing to raise it, because you’re partly responsible for the experience that callers have when they contact your company. (That doesn’t mean you’re responsible for whatever is happening once you transfer them, of course — just that when you have info about their experience that no one else has, you do need to make someone higher up aware.)

If that mean Donna gets micromanaged … well, some closer management might be needed here, because either Donna is intentionally disconnecting callers or is aware she’s frequently losing her connection and not bothering to ask for help to get that fixed. Or maybe she has, in which case she’ll presumably explain that to her boss — but either way, this is something you should escalate.

The subject line of your email to me was, “Is it appropriate to snitch on my coworker for this?” and this is not snitching. This is letting your manager know about a work issue that’s highly relevant to how well your organization is serving clients.

3. Disabled and losing access to parking

I work at a university that recently announced a major campus construction project that will eliminate a significant amount of central parking, including areas closest to my building. The announcement framed this as an exciting improvement to campus life, but for some of us, it creates a serious accessibility problem.

I have a disability that affects my mobility. Even now, I arrive over an hour early just to secure one of the limited nearby parking spots, and I still face a several-minute walk to my building, which can be difficult depending on the day. I am not the only one who does this in my building. There’s several of us who do this daily. With these lots closing, we are all extremely concerned that we simply won’t be able to access my workplace in a reliable or sustainable way.

This is the second time in a few years that staff parking has been reduced. In this case, the project will also remove several accessible parking spaces across campus, and they are not being replaced.

The university’s suggestion is to contact parking services for alternatives, but based on past experience, those alternatives are not workable for me. They typically recommend using a shuttle system, which is difficult for me to physically navigate, or parking farther away. Factoring in wait times and travel, that could add close to an hour to my commute each day. I also have religious commitments after work on Fridays, and this added time would make it difficult or impossible to attend. The shuttle isn’t always the most reliable. It’s also small and with more people probably needing to use this, it could add in well over an hour to my commute daily.

Another option is purchasing access to parking at a nearby institution, but that requires an upfront cost of over $700 annually, which is not financially feasible for most people.

My job could be performed remotely, but remote work is not currently offered as an option, and I worry that pushing too hard on that could negatively affect my job security.

I have not reached out to parking services, as I am not optimistic about the response they will give. Historically, the university has been resistant to feedback on parking and accessibility concerns or they ignore emails totally. Another colleague reached out to them with these exact concerns, but she’s certain she’ll not receive a response or they will not care as they have when there were issues with parking spots blocked off earlier last year.

At what point does this become an ADA issue? What are my options for advocating for reasonable accommodations in a situation like this? Would requesting remote work on days when I cannot access parking be reasonable, or am I better off pursuing a formal accommodation through HR or another route such as an anonymous ADA complaint?

It’s an ADA issue now. Under the ADA, employers with 15 or more employees are required to provide accessible parking as a reasonable accommodation for workers with disabilities, and they must engage in an interactive process to find solutions if spots are unavailable.

You should submit a request in writing to HR with the subject line, “official request for accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act.” Don’t go through parking services since they’ve been unresponsive; approach it as a legally required medical accommodation with HR.

4. Independent contractor vs. employee

I have a question regarding W2 vs 1099 contractor definitions. I understand one key legal difference is a contractor sets their own hours. Does that mean that no employment where I commit to showing up at a certain time can be a 1099? Like, let’s say I am a tutor. I choose my students and can let them go. But let’s say I sign on to tutor someone intensively for two hours once a week for a semester at a specific time slot, and I sign a contract to that effect, do they now have to give me a W2?

The IRS doesn’t use a black and white test for contractors where if you don’t set your own hours, you can’t be a contractor. Rather, they look at the totality of the circumstances. They look at three factors: (1) behavioral — does the company control or have the right to control what the worker does and how the worker does their job? (2) financial — are the business aspects of the job (like how the worker is paid, whether expenses are reimbursed, and who provides tools/supplies) controlled by the company? (3) type of relationship — are there written contracts or employee-type benefits (insurance, vacation pay, etc.) and is the work a key aspect of the business? The law says, “Businesses must weigh all these factors when determining whether a worker is an employee or independent contractor. Some factors may indicate that the worker is an employee, while other factors indicate that the worker is an independent contractor. There is no ‘magic’ or set number of factors that makes the worker an employee or an independent contractor and no one factor stands alone in making this determination. Also, factors which are relevant in one situation may not be relevant in another. The keys are to look at the entire relationship and consider the extent of the right to direct and control the worker.”

There are independent contractors who commit to working set hours. Doing that doesn’t on its own make you an employee.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Company said I could move after my husband took a new job and now they won’t let me

I work for a large corporation with a Remote First policy, and compensation is location-based with three tiers. While their policy says permanent relocations must be approved, there is no employee-facing material that says relocation is not allowed up a tier. For example, there is nothing saying someone in a lower cost of living city (Tier 3) who needs to move to a high cost of living city (Tier 1) will not be approved.

My husband applied for and got a job in a Tier 1 location. He flew out to start the job (his start date was four days after the offer). I immediately told my managers, and they said they didn’t anticipate an issue so we prepared to move to the new location.

 I’ve been with the company for five years, am a top performer, and have won several awards for performance. My direct managers and the org manager approved the move, but last week I learned that the upper leadership have not, due to a policy of not approving moves up location-based pay tiers. My managers had never even heard of this policy. My husband had already accepted the job, started work, came back to help me pack, and the day before all our items were to be shipped across the country we got this news.

I have appealed the decision and my managers have outlined the business cases for me staying to leadership. But as it stands right now, I have 90 days where I can work from a non-home location but after that I’ll have to quit or be terminated. I asked HR if I could remain at my Tier 3 salary through the next review cycle (as I realize that budgets have been allocated, etc.) but that was denied since remaining at a different salary tier in a new location is not “company policy.”

I’m at my wits’ end. My husband has been out of work since Covid, this is an amazing opportunity, and he has already accepted the job. We can’t live in the new area without both of our salaries. I was definitely not expecting to lose my job because I moved, and I’m terrified of looking for a job in this market.

I’m currently going back home alone to try to buy as much time before my 90 days starts. My husband wants me to get a lawyer, but I don’t know if I have a case or if a lawyer could do anything since I’ve not been fired yet. My job is extremely specialized and I’m very happy in my current position and I just don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry, this is a mess. If your company promotes itself as “remote first” organization, they need to be much clearer with employees about what restrictions they have on that. If you can’t move to a location with a higher pay tier than your current one, it’s ridiculous that they haven’t proactively told people; their lack of transparency is what led to this, and it would have been so easy for them to avoid it.

Are you able to tell your company that you’re going to stay where you are? Whether or not you really do plan to stay there long-term, telling them that would presumably stop the 90-day clock from ticking and buy you and your husband some time to decide what you want to do, which could include living in separate locations until one of you can move to the other, you looking for a job out there, or him coming back (basically returning to the situation from before he got the job, which would be brutal but is an option). But your company sucks for putting you in this position and not being willing to make an exception considering the circumstances, and particularly when you’d been told by multiple managers that it would be fine.

2. How do I lean out of my company’s DEI work?

I’m a boomerang at my current company (meaning I left but have now returned). When I was previously employed here, I ended up leading our women’s ERG, as well as leading or being a critical stakeholder in a variety of DEI-related groups and activities. Ultimately, despite doing this work for several years, and passing the baton to capable passionate folks when I left, many of the key metrics related to increasing diversity at all levels but particularly in management have not changed or have changed for the worse. Ultimately, I have come to believe that the many extra hours of unpaid labor my colleagues and I contributed did little more than create good press for the firm. I think that if the firm is committed to the goals it ostensibly signed on to, then such efforts need to come from the top and include real numeric goals in hiring and promoting, along with resources for professional development, none of which were ever really forthcoming.

Now that I’m returning, I’m more interested in pursuing social justice goals outside the firm with organizations that demonstrate real commitment and effectiveness in their efforts. I know as part of our upcoming goal-setting conversation, I’m going to be encouraged to take up some of my old work and I absolutely won’t. We have volunteer PTO hours available, which I am happy to use for outside-the-office work. How do I thread this needle in conversations with my grandboss, who also happened to be the exec sponsor of the ERG I used to lead? (Honestly, I think my company has no business or claim on this stuff but I need to check a box, so…)

If you’re asked to pick up that work again: “Oh, thanks for offering, but I’m not interested in stepping back into it again.” If you want, you can add, “I’d like to leave it with whoever has been handling it or give someone new a chance to take it on.” If you’re pressed about why, feel free to say, “I’ve realized that work needs to come from the top of a firm and people at lower levels aren’t well positioned to do it.” If pressed anyway: “I feel strongly about it, so I’m going to pass.” If you want you can add, “It’s something I work on a lot outside of work and I don’t want it to become part of my job here as well.”

3. Can I suggest my difficult boss get more emotional support?

I have a question about a boss who I don’t really like, but I also think he’s not a bad person so I don’t want anything bad to happen to him.

I work in a law firm, and this guy is one of the salaried partners. He has bullied a couple of people out of the team, but always been very respectful to me. Even so, because of his behavior to others, I’m not a fan. He has always been a bit unreliable — there is not a single time he has gone on a business trip or holiday when I have been told in advance and had a plan. Every time, he just disappears, and then there are timezone issues that neither I nor the client were prepared for. But, by and large he has kept up with work and I’ve had a decent time learning from him.

Recently, he has dropped the ball SO BADLY. Clients are complaining and he is continuing to disappear without warning, but he’s managing it even worse than he previously did. He is failing to turn up to calls that he’s said he’ll attend. I know he is going through a divorce, although that’s been going on for eight months now, and it’s only recently that he’s gotten really bad.

I hate the way that he is affecting junior staff, and I have been communicating with management accordingly. However, I am also worried about him. I might not like him, but I don’t think he’s a bad person, and I think this really AWOL behavior is pretty worrisome, even taking into account his usual behavior. I think he is a typically manly man who has not considered the resources available for mental health issues. Is there any way I can check in with him, and offer him some judgment free support, without being inappropriate?

You’re not the person best positioned to do that. His partners or other senior members of the firm are. You are positioned to do the piece that you’re already doing (communicating with management about what’s happening). You could certainly suggest to one of them (perhaps that most empathetic-seeming among them) that he might benefit from a nudge toward some support, but beyond that you’re just not well placed to do it. (It’s not that it would always be impossible to suggest that to someone with more power than you, but typically if you had that kind of rapport that would make it natural, you’d already know it.)

4. When employers say “we’ll keep your resume on file,” will they actually look at it again?

Do employers look at past resume submissions when a new job opens, or do they just look through the new submissions? Does “having a resume on file” actually mean anything?

It varies. Some companies say it as part of their boilerplate rejection letters when the chances of them ever contacting you again are low. But other companies do look through past applicants when they have new openings, particularly for hard-to-fill roles and particularly when they need to hire again soon after a similar role just closed. People do get contacted by companies for openings they might be well matched with after previously being rejected. You just can’t really tell from the outside how likely it is. Either way, there’s no point in reading much into it, and if you see an opening there in the future that you’re interested in, proactively apply — don’t assume they’ll contact you.

Related:
does “we’ll keep your resume on file” really mean anything?

5. Can I ask for more pay in lieu of benefits?

When I was looking for my first job out of college, a mentor suggested I negotiate for higher pay since I was under 26 and could still be on my parents’ health insurance. I actually did need health insurance, and in fact it was the primary reason I was looking for a job, so I did not take this advice, but I’ve always had it in the back of my head.

I got married in the past year and am now on my spouse’s (far superior) benefits. I’m wondering if it would be wildly out of touch to try to negotiate a raise in lieu of benefits now, or if that’s something that can only be done when starting a job. (Or is it even something one can reasonably do when starting a job?)

Factors to consider: This is a relatively small company (fewer than 50 people). Our industry is having a tough time, largely due to current administration issues. Raises last year were paltry, though honestly I was surprised to be getting one at all. I’ve never negotiated salary before. Our raises are calculated at one (fairly arbitrary) point in the year, and they’ve always been presented as, “This is what you’re getting this year.” Maybe some people negotiate within that, but I never have felt like that was an option. I’m a high performer and fairly senior, and have been here for more than five years.

You can ask! Some companies will do this and some won’t. Typically if they do, it’s done as a separate line item in your benefits, not just added to your salary (because if your situation changes in the future and you do need to start using their insurance, they don’t want you to feel like you’re getting a pay cut), so you wouldn’t frame it as a raise — just something like, “Would the company consider offering a stipend or credit for not using the company health insurance, since that saves us money?”