It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Company said I could move after my husband took a new job and now they won’t let me

I work for a large corporation with a Remote First policy, and compensation is location-based with three tiers. While their policy says permanent relocations must be approved, there is no employee-facing material that says relocation is not allowed up a tier. For example, there is nothing saying someone in a lower cost of living city (Tier 3) who needs to move to a high cost of living city (Tier 1) will not be approved.

My husband applied for and got a job in a Tier 1 location. He flew out to start the job (his start date was four days after the offer). I immediately told my managers, and they said they didn’t anticipate an issue so we prepared to move to the new location.

 I’ve been with the company for five years, am a top performer, and have won several awards for performance. My direct managers and the org manager approved the move, but last week I learned that the upper leadership have not, due to a policy of not approving moves up location-based pay tiers. My managers had never even heard of this policy. My husband had already accepted the job, started work, came back to help me pack, and the day before all our items were to be shipped across the country we got this news.

I have appealed the decision and my managers have outlined the business cases for me staying to leadership. But as it stands right now, I have 90 days where I can work from a non-home location but after that I’ll have to quit or be terminated. I asked HR if I could remain at my Tier 3 salary through the next review cycle (as I realize that budgets have been allocated, etc.) but that was denied since remaining at a different salary tier in a new location is not “company policy.”

I’m at my wits’ end. My husband has been out of work since Covid, this is an amazing opportunity, and he has already accepted the job. We can’t live in the new area without both of our salaries. I was definitely not expecting to lose my job because I moved, and I’m terrified of looking for a job in this market.

I’m currently going back home alone to try to buy as much time before my 90 days starts. My husband wants me to get a lawyer, but I don’t know if I have a case or if a lawyer could do anything since I’ve not been fired yet. My job is extremely specialized and I’m very happy in my current position and I just don’t know what to do.

I’m sorry, this is a mess. If your company promotes itself as “remote first” organization, they need to be much clearer with employees about what restrictions they have on that. If you can’t move to a location with a higher pay tier than your current one, it’s ridiculous that they haven’t proactively told people; their lack of transparency is what led to this, and it would have been so easy for them to avoid it.

Are you able to tell your company that you’re going to stay where you are? Whether or not you really do plan to stay there long-term, telling them that would presumably stop the 90-day clock from ticking and buy you and your husband some time to decide what you want to do, which could include living in separate locations until one of you can move to the other, you looking for a job out there, or him coming back (basically returning to the situation from before he got the job, which would be brutal but is an option). But your company sucks for putting you in this position and not being willing to make an exception considering the circumstances, and particularly when you’d been told by multiple managers that it would be fine.

2. How do I lean out of my company’s DEI work?

I’m a boomerang at my current company (meaning I left but have now returned). When I was previously employed here, I ended up leading our women’s ERG, as well as leading or being a critical stakeholder in a variety of DEI-related groups and activities. Ultimately, despite doing this work for several years, and passing the baton to capable passionate folks when I left, many of the key metrics related to increasing diversity at all levels but particularly in management have not changed or have changed for the worse. Ultimately, I have come to believe that the many extra hours of unpaid labor my colleagues and I contributed did little more than create good press for the firm. I think that if the firm is committed to the goals it ostensibly signed on to, then such efforts need to come from the top and include real numeric goals in hiring and promoting, along with resources for professional development, none of which were ever really forthcoming.

Now that I’m returning, I’m more interested in pursuing social justice goals outside the firm with organizations that demonstrate real commitment and effectiveness in their efforts. I know as part of our upcoming goal-setting conversation, I’m going to be encouraged to take up some of my old work and I absolutely won’t. We have volunteer PTO hours available, which I am happy to use for outside-the-office work. How do I thread this needle in conversations with my grandboss, who also happened to be the exec sponsor of the ERG I used to lead? (Honestly, I think my company has no business or claim on this stuff but I need to check a box, so…)

If you’re asked to pick up that work again: “Oh, thanks for offering, but I’m not interested in stepping back into it again.” If you want, you can add, “I’d like to leave it with whoever has been handling it or give someone new a chance to take it on.” If you’re pressed about why, feel free to say, “I’ve realized that work needs to come from the top of a firm and people at lower levels aren’t well positioned to do it.” If pressed anyway: “I feel strongly about it, so I’m going to pass.” If you want you can add, “It’s something I work on a lot outside of work and I don’t want it to become part of my job here as well.”

3. Can I suggest my difficult boss get more emotional support?

I have a question about a boss who I don’t really like, but I also think he’s not a bad person so I don’t want anything bad to happen to him.

I work in a law firm, and this guy is one of the salaried partners. He has bullied a couple of people out of the team, but always been very respectful to me. Even so, because of his behavior to others, I’m not a fan. He has always been a bit unreliable — there is not a single time he has gone on a business trip or holiday when I have been told in advance and had a plan. Every time, he just disappears, and then there are timezone issues that neither I nor the client were prepared for. But, by and large he has kept up with work and I’ve had a decent time learning from him.

Recently, he has dropped the ball SO BADLY. Clients are complaining and he is continuing to disappear without warning, but he’s managing it even worse than he previously did. He is failing to turn up to calls that he’s said he’ll attend. I know he is going through a divorce, although that’s been going on for eight months now, and it’s only recently that he’s gotten really bad.

I hate the way that he is affecting junior staff, and I have been communicating with management accordingly. However, I am also worried about him. I might not like him, but I don’t think he’s a bad person, and I think this really AWOL behavior is pretty worrisome, even taking into account his usual behavior. I think he is a typically manly man who has not considered the resources available for mental health issues. Is there any way I can check in with him, and offer him some judgment free support, without being inappropriate?

You’re not the person best positioned to do that. His partners or other senior members of the firm are. You are positioned to do the piece that you’re already doing (communicating with management about what’s happening). You could certainly suggest to one of them (perhaps that most empathetic-seeming among them) that he might benefit from a nudge toward some support, but beyond that you’re just not well placed to do it. (It’s not that it would always be impossible to suggest that to someone with more power than you, but typically if you had that kind of rapport that would make it natural, you’d already know it.)

4. When employers say “we’ll keep your resume on file,” will they actually look at it again?

Do employers look at past resume submissions when a new job opens, or do they just look through the new submissions? Does “having a resume on file” actually mean anything?

It varies. Some companies say it as part of their boilerplate rejection letters when the chances of them ever contacting you again are low. But other companies do look through past applicants when they have new openings, particularly for hard-to-fill roles and particularly when they need to hire again soon after a similar role just closed. People do get contacted by companies for openings they might be well matched with after previously being rejected. You just can’t really tell from the outside how likely it is. Either way, there’s no point in reading much into it, and if you see an opening there in the future that you’re interested in, proactively apply — don’t assume they’ll contact you.

Related:
does “we’ll keep your resume on file” really mean anything?

5. Can I ask for more pay in lieu of benefits?

When I was looking for my first job out of college, a mentor suggested I negotiate for higher pay since I was under 26 and could still be on my parents’ health insurance. I actually did need health insurance, and in fact it was the primary reason I was looking for a job, so I did not take this advice, but I’ve always had it in the back of my head.

I got married in the past year and am now on my spouse’s (far superior) benefits. I’m wondering if it would be wildly out of touch to try to negotiate a raise in lieu of benefits now, or if that’s something that can only be done when starting a job. (Or is it even something one can reasonably do when starting a job?)

Factors to consider: This is a relatively small company (fewer than 50 people). Our industry is having a tough time, largely due to current administration issues. Raises last year were paltry, though honestly I was surprised to be getting one at all. I’ve never negotiated salary before. Our raises are calculated at one (fairly arbitrary) point in the year, and they’ve always been presented as, “This is what you’re getting this year.” Maybe some people negotiate within that, but I never have felt like that was an option. I’m a high performer and fairly senior, and have been here for more than five years.

You can ask! Some companies will do this and some won’t. Typically if they do, it’s done as a separate line item in your benefits, not just added to your salary (because if your situation changes in the future and you do need to start using their insurance, they don’t want you to feel like you’re getting a pay cut), so you wouldn’t frame it as a raise — just something like, “Would the company consider offering a stipend or credit for not using the company health insurance, since that saves us money?”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss told me my dresses need to be longer

My line manager told me yesterday that there had been “comments made” about how short / inappropriate my dresses are in the office, as a member of the team who is front-facing for clients. I was asked to not wear these outfits in the office any longer.

These comments have utterly humiliated me, and I spent about an hour crying on my way home. I have always dressed fairly modestly at work and am deeply uncomfortable with my body being perceived as being “on display.” My dresses are long-sleeved, with skirts that stop just above my knee. They are conventional office wear. I prefer dresses and skirts over trousers, as the medications I take have made my stomach quite bloated, and I find tight waistbands uncomfortable. But I was told they need to be longer as I’m greeting clients (as my work wear was just above the knee already, my presumption is that longer means to the knee or below).

It’s a very male heavy office, so what other women wear is split between trousers and skirts that are above the knee or to the knee. My line manager was wearing an above-the-knee dress the day after telling me my outfits were too short.

After looking at my work wardrobe, I estimate I’m going to have to get replace nearly 80% to get to these new standards — of dresses and skirts to the knee or lower — while also managing the other restrictions that are placed on women’s wear at our office. For instance, I’m not allowed to wear a sleeveless blouse because our male directors decided they are not professional for women. This is while the men in our office can meet with clients in hoodies or polo shirts.

I simply don’t understand why my clothing is an issue 16 months into working here. Am I being unreasonable or is this unfair? Is this something I should speak to my union about?

Yes, you should absolutely speak to your union. Something here doesn’t make sense — skirts and dresses to just above the knee aren’t unprofessional or inappropriate work wear, and that goes triple in an office where a bunch of other people are wearing them, including the manager who told you that you couldn’t. “You’re client-facing” doesn’t make sense as an explanation. Is there anything else that could explain why you’re getting this feedback and others aren’t? Sometimes this happens when you’re the only one in your office with a particular body shape (which doesn’t make it okay), and I wonder if that’s in play here.

Ideally you’d go back to your manager and ask for clarification — including explicitly asking if she is telling you that your skirts must be below the knee, and pointing out that all your skirts are currently the same length as the ones you see other women in your office wearing. But since you have a union, pull them in for advice too.

2. CEO sends a delusional AI-generated image of himself with every email

As a mere lower-level staffer, I am certain there is nothing I can do about this issue, but perhaps you have some ideas.

The CEO has begun to attach an AI-generated image of himself to every email he sends out. The images are universally more handsome than the real thing. No more receding hairline, or stomach fat. Plenty of bicep muscles. Not a wrinkle in sight.

This is cringe behaviour, and staff mock him for it behind his back. While I am not personally invested in helping him save face, I do want to stop being forced to look at these unprofessional, inaccurate portraits. Especially since the workplace is a public library, where one would hope to avoid misinformation.

No, this is amazing and you must not try to stop it!

And that’s fortunate, because there’s almost certainly nothing you can do about it anyway. If you were, say, a senior communications staffer or his right-hand person or otherwise a trusted confidant, you could attempt to diplomatically address it, but assuming you are none of those things and therefore have no real standing or obligation to take this on, the only correct response is to sit back and bask in the utter absurdity of it.

Is it a problem for his credibility? Yes! Is it your problem? No.

You can just enjoy the spectacle.

3. I wish my board would just fire me already

I am the chief executive of a small nonprofit and I report to a board, and I have been on a performance improvement plan (PIP) for the past four months. The PIP is full of things that are untrue and half true, along with some things that could legitimately be improved. The PIP was my first notice of any of those gripes that the board (or rather, a few members of the executive committee) had about me, my work, and, more pointedly, my personality.

The first PIP was supposed to be 60 days. They had no objective success measure in it and missed over half the weekly check-ins we had scheduled. They are having a lawyer handle everything for them, so I didn’t receive a determination about the PIP until a couple weeks ago when they gave me another PIP with a 60-day extension. This document, even more than the first one, has things in it explaining where I am failing to meet expectations that I was unaware of and were not part of the job previously.

At this point, it is clear that at least two of the board members just don’t like me and want to fire me, which is completely within their power to do. I have sincerely done what I can to meet their expectations, but I can’t and won’t change my personality or pretend to be someone I am not. And this job has turned into something different than what I was hired for.

I have been looking for a new job since the process started, but it is not easy at this level and I can’t afford to be without an income or I would have quit already. How do I have the conversation with them expressing my desire to leave along with my need to be eligible for unemployment benefits?

Frame it this way: “It’s clear to me that you’re unhappy with my work and I want to be realistic about my chances for success here and not drag out the process, so I’d like to propose a managed separation with a transition that will be as smooth as possible for both of us. I’d ask that you not contest my unemployment benefits since it sounds like I was likely to be let go at the end of this process anyway, but beyond that I’m flexible about what this could look like in terms of timing and messaging.” They are likely to hear this with relief.

You might also consider whether you have an argument to request severance, if they’re now defining success in the role differently than what you were brought on to do.

4. Requiring 15+ hours of outside reading per week

I am curious to your take on a job listing I recently came across. There is an indie bookshop in my city that is looking for booksellers — basically part-time retail work, $12/hour starting wage, nothing atypical for the area.

Amongst the qualifications and job duties listed, alongside needing 3+ years experience as a bookseller and “associates or better” degree, I noticed something that seemed super wild. “Booksellers are required to spend an additional 15+ hours a week reading recent releases and bestsellers to stay up to date on merchandise and better assist customers.”

(I am assuming the 15+ hours of reading homework is unpaid, but I could be wrong; this is a very hipster bookshop that I like to visit now and then but would never work at personally, so I haven’t inquired further or anything.)

Is this as bonkers as it sounds to me? Or does this sound more like “continuing education” and is pretty reasonable to expect?

As a general rule, if outside reading is required for non-exempt employees, they need to be paid for that time. There are exceptions for things like continuing education required to maintain a license, but booksellers aren’t licensed.

They’d be better off saying that they’re looking for employees who already maintain a deep knowledge of recent releases and bestsellers and who will maintain that knowledge going forward — and then screening for dedicated readers of recent releases (which is different from just being a voracious reader in general) in their interview process — instead of presenting it like a job duty with a specific number of hours attached.

5. I was fired from my last job, then didn’t work for several years — how do I explain it in interviews?

I was fired from my job several years ago. Due to a combination of burnout and undiagnosed depression, I effectively went AWOL and didn’t do anything about anything until it was too late, and I’m trying to re-enter the job market now. I have a resume gap of several years, my previous job loss was entirely my fault, and it’s been a very long time since I had to do any kind of job searching.

How do I write a resume to cover this particular ground? And, in the event of an interview, any advice on how to answer the inevitable question of what I was doing while unemployed? (The honest answer is “nothing, while trying to claw my way out of a mental health hole.”)

You don’t address it on a resume at all; that’s the place to highlight your work history and accomplishments. In an interview, the language you want is: “I’ve been dealing with a health issue that is now resolved and I’m excited to return to work.” You don’t need to say more than that; they’re not supposed to ask for details, and it explains why you left the last job as well as what you’ve been doing since then.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss doesn’t want to give me a bonus because I’m leaving soon

I am moving soon to another state and leaving my agency to be closer to family. I really don’t want to leave and neither does my boss. He even advocated for me to stay on as fully remote, but his boss and HR said no; the agency has a new strict policy that doesn’t allow employees to be fully remote. I have no choice but to resign.

Coincidentally, my annual performance review is due shortly before the time my lease is up and I have to leave my job. My annual reviews have always come with a bonus, so I’m expecting a lump sum payment that will help cover some of the costs of moving. I’ve been somewhat transparent with my boss about my plans on leaving, but I have not given him an exact resignation date yet because I’m still in the process of finding new employment and coordinating the move so the dates are not yet set in stone.

I have been pushing my boss to get my performance review done so I can feel secure knowing that money is on the way. When I asked him for an update, he was vague and made it seem like he wasn’t sure if it would be approved because his boss and HR know I’m leaving soon. So I asked him if he himself is resistant to giving me a bonus because he knows I’m leaving soon and he said yes because it “doesn’t come off as a good financial decision” to give a chunk of money to an employee who is leaving. I argued that this is my reward for my performance of last year to now, so that money should be paid to me anyway. Plus, I haven’t submitted a resignation letter yet, so technically I’m not leaving until that is made official.

I can say with confidence that I earned a bonus this year and it doesn’t feel fair to be withheld a bonus because I’ll be gone a month or so after it’s paid. I think anyone else in my position would also try to leave with as much as they could. Am I asking for too much or is my timing just bad?

Your timing is bad. It’s very common for companies not to pay bonuses to people who have made it clear they’re leaving soon. You see the bonus as compensation for work you’ve already done, but employers see bonuses as a retention strategy and very often won’t give them if you’ve told them you’re leaving. That’s not always the case; some organizations handle it differently (and for some, the bonus is contractually obligated). But it’s the case enough of the time that it’s an established thing for people to need to delay their exits (and any discussion of their exits) until after a bonus is paid out.

You can certainly make the argument for a bonus as compensation for work already done if you want to — but from what your boss is saying, your company is unlikely to give it to you.

2. When a candidate’s resume has different job titles than LinkedIn does

I’m screening resumes for a role. For anonymity’s sake, let’s say it’s a teapot designer, and we’re looking for five years of designer experience. Many people in designer roles first spend time as teapot painters, and while that experience is valuable, designer is a more expansive, senior role.

On a few occasions now, I’ve looked at resumes that appear strong, with several past designer roles, but when I click through to the applicant’s LinkedIn profile, I see these are actually painter roles, and they’ve changed the titles on their resume. When they’ve done this across the board and have no actual designer experience, I can easily screen them out. But sometimes I’m finding it’s a mix — their current role is in fact a designer role, but previous designer roles were actually painter roles. If they’d been truthful on their application, I would’ve screened them in! But now I feel like I have to screen out these candidates because they’re embellishing their applications.

Am I being too harsh? Is this the red flag I think it is? I feel for applicants in this difficult job market, but I just can’t get past the false titles on the resume, and I’m not sure how I’d explain to my boss that I’m screening in people who don’t have the experience they claim to, even if their actual experience is solid. (Also, these applicants are willingly handing over their LinkedIn links. Do they think we won’t notice the discrepancies between their profile and their application? What am I missing here?)

If they’re people who you otherwise would have advanced, it’s worth doing a phone screen with them to clarify — where you’d ask directly, “I saw your resume calls your current job ’teapot designer’ but on LinkedIn you list it as a ’teapot painter’ role. Which is correct?” Give them a chance to elaborate — because while I can’t speak for what’s common in the teapot industry, there a lot of people have titles that don’t accurately reflect the work they’re doing, and it’s not unheard of for people to try to clarify by using a more accurately descriptive title on their resumes. That might not be what’s happening here; this might just be people trying to finesse their experience into something it isn’t. But it’s worth talking to at least a handful and finding out, to inform your thinking going forward.

If it turns out to be a straight-up lie — they’re just flagrantly misrepresenting their experience to try to get their foot in the door — that’s prohibitive. But if someone says, “I started out doing painting, but for the last two years I’ve been doing the designer job and my company never updated my title,” I wouldn’t hold that against them.

But also, if you’re just doing the initial resume screen before passing resumes on to your boss (and you’re the person doing the phone screens), you should have this conversation with her to get aligned on how to handle it. She may not know you’re seeing this and may have her own opinions about how she wants you to handle it.

3. People misspell my name

I have a fairly straightforward issue that I’m sure you’ve run into as well — my name gets misspelled on emails! I have a fairly common name that has a fairly understandable misspelling (think “Anglea” instead of “Angela”). While this is easy for me to correct internally, how does one go about correcting this for people outside of our organization?

I work in a company where I regularly interact with people from client companies asking for my services, and yes, my name is in my email signature! So far, I’ve been happy to just ignore it and reply to the email content itself, but is there anything you would recommend to “repeat offenders”?

Personally, as someone with a name that frequently gets misspelled, I just ignore it. I have decided that life is less stressful when I just don’t care unless it’s someone who’s close to me.

That said, if it bothers you and someone has done it multiple times, it’s fine to just matter-of-factly say at the end of your next reply, “By the way, it’s Angela, not Anglea!” (But expect this still won’t completely solve it.)

4. Should I tell my boss my commute is only doable if we remain hybrid?

I’m a very highly valued executive assistant for a very senior partner in a law firm.

I know eventually my work is going to consider changing our remote work policy to only allow us to work from home one day a week. My commute is 75 minutes each way. It’s a pretty relaxing commute, and I did not mind it at all before I had a baby. However, with a baby it’s only doable because I only have to go in three days a week.

Is it risky to verbalize to my boss and HR that if they ever increased the amount of days in office required, I would have to look for a new job in my own city? I don’t think my job would it be at risk; they’re lost without me and I always have top reviews each year, but am I being naive? My boss isn’t the managing partner at the firm but is very senior and her word has a lot of power. I feel like she should know that one of her most valued employees can only stay because of the current benefits offered with remote work. I really love my job and really love working for my boss I don’t want to leave my job but would absolutely have to if they increased the days in office required.

In your shoes, I’d have a conversation with your boss right now (not with HR) and say something like, “Is your sense that the firm is likely to stick with our current hybrid policy or that they might increase the number of in-office days required at some point? I’m asking because I love my job and I love working for you, but the commute is only doable right now because I only need to do it three days a week.”

Since you’re highly valued, that’s not terribly risky to say. And since she has a lot of capital herself, arm her now with the info she needs if a change ever does start to get discussed. That doesn’t mean they still won’t do it, but at least they won’t be surprised by what it means for you if they do.

5. Employees donating to their own organization in memory of a colleague

My mom worked for a nonprofit for many years. When she passed away, we asked for donations to the nonprofit in her memory. Several of the donations they received were from her colleagues, who still worked for the organization. My sister thinks it’s weird they’d donate to their own employer. I don’t. Who’s right?

I’ve worked at nonprofits where some employees donated simply because they felt strongly about the mission (truly of their own volition, with no pressure from the organization to do it) and were proud to be donors. So I don’t think it’s weird, particularly since these colleagues were honoring her in the specific way your family requested.