It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. My senior employee is a terrible communicator

My employee, “Jordan,” has been in a senior role for 15 years. Their job involves communication and coordination across many different teams and with customers; understanding and being understood is one of the most important competencies. Jordan’s communication skills are lacking. I have highlighted this as an area for improvement every year I have been their manager (nearly five years) and in annual goals and performance reviews, as did their previous manager.

Jordan has attended trainings and I have provided job aids and feedback, but there has been little improvement. I deliver feedback at our weekly meetings, and I only raise one thing at a time, even though there are usually 3-5 communication breakdowns I’ve observed. I bring it up and ask for their perspective, then talk through my perspective and what I’d like to see differently in the future. I give feedback 1-2 times per month, because more than that feels like I am putting them down and being nitpicky every time we talk.

Jordan seems to disagree with me. I believe this is the root of their lack of improvement — they don’t think they need to improve because they don’t believe me that there is a problem. When I ask what support they need, they have not been able to give me anything actionable, just “I will work on it.” My boss and I feel that if Jordan can’t improve in this skill, we may need to replace them.

Jordan struggles to put themselves in the context of the person with whom they are communicating and, conversely, when they are interpreting someone else’s communication, they struggle to put themselves into the context the person is speaking from and what matters to them. Here’s one typical recent example: Jordan needs to, let’s say, change the design of a teapot a customer has ordered for five years. The customer asked, “Will the new teapots still be able to go in the dishwasher?” Jordan responded, “You can still wash the teapots.” The customer interpreted that response as a “yes.” I knew that we hadn’t tested whether the teapots could go in the dishwasher, and that Jordan was speaking about hand-washing. I said, “We aren’t sure if the teapots can go in the dishwasher. We will get back to you.” Jodan later emailed the customer, “I have confirmed with the Dishwashing Safety team that the teapots are rated to 90 degrees.” The customer does not know what that means; they do not know that we consider teapots rated to 150 degrees to be dishwasher safe, and anything less not safe. I had to again jump in to clarify that the teapots aren’t dishwasher safe. Jordan delivered, verbatim, the response from our internal team to the customer without doing any translation into the customer’s context, or even making sure that the answer actually answered the customer’s question. The customer could have left with the impression that the teapots are dishwasher safe, resulting in customers unhappy when their teapots did not withstand dishwashing.

I’ve asked my boss, HR, and manager friends about how to coach Jordan. One person advised that I should document every instance of communication issues and review them with Jordan weekly. I am concerned that, particularly for a senior employee, this will feel as if I am hovering over their shoulder watching everything they do and documenting every tiny mistake they make, which will be demoralizing. What do you think?

Jordan isn’t right for this job.

You’ve been coaching them for nearly five years. They not only haven’t improved, they disagree that there’s even a problem to fix.

The reality is, not everyone has the skills you’re looking for. Some people can get better at it within the amount of time that a manager can reasonably invest in coaching. Some people could get better at it if they had extremely hands-on help over a long period of time, going beyond what’s reasonable for a manager to invest. Even with that, some people won’t ever get better at it to the level that’s needed in a job where it’s a central and essential skill.

You have made a good faith effort, and it’s not working. It’s time to move to the next step in managing the situation, which means telling Jordan very clearly that things are now at the point where if you don’t see XYZ specific changes in XYZ amount of time, you will need to let them go. (That amount of time should not be lengthy, given how long you’ve already been working on this — I’d give a maximum of two months to demonstrate significant improvement or otherwise you’ll just be dragging things out for no reason.)

Related:
my employee can’t accept that his performance is bad

2. My coworker is in crisis but not doing her work

I work for a very small company (literally four employees and the boss) that I was hired to eight months ago. HR is one of several roles that I fulfill, and one I’ve had zero training for. My boss is great but he’s away from the office most of the time because he isn’t a U.S. citizen and he travels a lot, so we employees are very free with little oversight most of the time.

Enter problematic coworker, Lisa. Lisa is a wonderful coworker and good friend … most of the time. Other times, she gets drunk at work and misses workdays with little notice, even though she’s already used up all her allowed PTO for the year. In the last few months, she’s lost both her parents and had some other serious personal stuff going on; she’s really going through it and I would feel for her deeply even if we weren’t friends.

Recently she was hospitalized for what I suspect may have been an attempt to end things, though I don’t know that for certain. She’s been saying she’ll work from home while she recovers, but she doesn’t answer work messages or send emails, which is a major portion of her job. I don’t want her to be stressed out when she should be recovering, and I definitely don’t want her to lose her job, but like I said, she’s used her PTO for the year already and she’s just not doing her work. I’m worried the boss will let her go considering the problems we’ve had with her in the past, but I also don’t feel right about just letting her miss work. What do you recommend?

Oh no. Your company is too small to be covered by FMLA (which would require you to hold her job for her for up to three months while she’s on leave), but that doesn’t mean that it can’t choose to offer something similar.

How senior is your role? If you’re fairly junior and your HR work is usually things like dealing with benefits paperwork and ensuring payroll gets processed (as opposed to higher-level HR strategy, employee relations, management, etc.), it’s probably not really within your purview to handle this; your boss would need to. But someone should be reaching out to Lisa to find out what she needs during this time and giving her some options, which ideally would include the option to take extended leave if she needs it. (If we’re using FMLA as a framework, that leave would normally be unpaid since she’s out of PTO, although of course in practice that can make it harder for people to use it.)

3. How honest can I be in a stay interview?

My organization recently announced that they will be conducting stay interviews. In the past, they conducted anonymous surveys to get an idea of general workplace perception and environment, and I do not know if the interviews are in place of or in addition to the survey. Either way, I do have real issues with the organization and its leadership that I have raised on surveys in the past but which still remain unaddressed (mostly to do with a lack of timely communication between leadership and staff and attempted standardizations of policy that only work for staff in non-public-facing positions, although there are also unaddressed issues involving a huge safety lapse a couple of years ago) but am unsure of whether it’s safe to bring up those concerns in a stay interview.

I feel like it would be one thing to mention these issues in an anonymous survey or even an exit interview, but I am concerned that something I say in a position where they will know who I am and that I currently intend to continue working for the organization could potentially be held against me. Are my concerns founded? Will being fully honest in a stay interview potentially harm me, or would it be more helpful to share the issues I feel the organization has?

There’s no guarantee that your feedback in a stay interview won’t be used against you. It shouldn’t be — that would go against the entire spirit and purpose of conducting them — but does it happen? Sure. Not all the time and not under good managers, but enough that it’s a legitimate worry.

Generally the way you know whether it’s safe to be honest with upward feedback in any form, and particularly when it’s non-anonymous, is by watching whether your company has done the work to assure people it’s safe. That’s stuff like creating opportunities for meaningful input that’s taken seriously and at least sometimes acted on, actively welcoming dissent, and demonstrably not penalizing people who offer opinions that make leadership uncomfortable. If you haven’t seen enough of that to feel comfortable, assume it’s safer to pull your punches.

On top of all that, in your case, you’ve already raised these issues and they haven’t acted on them. So they already have the info you’re considering offering with your name attached this time; there’s not a lot of benefit to you in sticking your neck out further.

4. When you’re allergic to nuts and your employer puts nuts in your workplace as retaliation

A question based on a novel I read recently. The main character is a waitress with a severe nut allergy. The restaurant doesn’t serve nuts, so it’s all good. She upsets the owner and comes in a few days later to find that they’ve updated the menu to include several items with nuts. When she asks if she’s being fired, she’s told no, that would require paying unemployment, but she’s free to quit if she can no longer perform the job duties.

Other than being overtly evil, this wouldn’t hold up, right? She could still file for and receive unemployment?

She could likely still receive unemployment, both because it’s a fundamental change in the job for her that means she has to leave it through no fault of her own, and also because it’s clearly retaliatory. In fact, depending on what she did to upset the owner, it’s possible there’s legal recourse too; if the nuts were in retaliation for her engaging in legally protected behavior (like making a good faith report of harassment, discrimination, or safety violations or requesting medical or religious accommodations), that would be illegal. And employment lawyers will tell you that retaliation is often much easier to prove than other offenses from an employer.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m allergic to my coworker’s perfume, and HR says I have to manage it on my own

I work hybrid and am required to be in office a couple days a week. I’m also allergic to certain scents and perfumes. Things like vanilla and citrus don’t bother me, but strong floral scents cause my sinuses to swell up, culminating in a migraine. It’s not pleasant, so I try my best to avoid anything that triggers it.

Unfortunately, nobody seems to take scent allergies seriously or know they exist at all. My colleague, Linda, wears a perfume so strong that I can smell where she’s been 10 minutes after she’s been there. There’s an entire quadrant of the office I avoid because she’s sitting there and I can’t bear the miasma emanating from her cubicle.

My manager, knowing how miserable I have been, reached out to HR about it because we didn’t want to cause any awkwardness or discomfort to Linda and wanted to go about things on the level. HR told her it’s the employee’s responsibility to manage their own allergies. They asked what I do in public. For one thing, in public, I have the option to remove myself from the situation, whereas I’m required to be here for my job and don’t have any avenues to escape. Furthermore, I’m having to isolate myself socially and politely decline invitations for coffee runs from people since being in the elevator with Linda for a few minutes is enough to derail my whole day. As such, after HR’s callous verdict, I’ve spent the past two years silently avoiding her and that part of the office, feeling like there’s nothing I can do to improve my situation.

I’ve gently told her a few times I’m allergic to perfume. Things came to a head a few weeks ago when she was crowding me in a tiny room and I had to reiterate that I’m allergic to her perfume, and she was totally shocked by this revelation, asking everyone else in the room if she smelled. My director was there and smoothed things over with, “She just has a sensitive nose!” The more I thought about it, the more it bothered me. Why am I being forced to tiptoe around someone’s need to smell pretty at the expense of my right to exist in comfort?

After that incident, I cried in the director’s office and told her about what HR said. She told me Linda is a kind person and I should speak to her directly about it. I feel so awkward about this suggestion. I’m not uncomfortable with talking to people to resolve conflicts, but, having never been put in a situation like this, I have no idea how to approach it. I’m not anywhere near the level of demanding nobody uses laundry detergent or needing unscented soap in the bathrooms, but even so, this feels like an unfair stance by HR. How would you suggest I approach this problem? Should I talk to Linda directly? If so, what should I say?

“It’s the employee’s responsibility to manage their own allergies”? Legally speaking, that’s only true to a point. If your allergies are severe enough, the Americans with Disabilities Act requires them to try to find a way to accommodate you, and in a lot of cases implementing a fragrance policy would be considered a reasonable accommodation under the law. (Here’s some info from the Job Accommodation Network on this, and here’s some more.) They could also consider creating a fragrance-free zone for you and others who need it, but that would need to include accommodations for things like elevators too. So first and foremost, HR isn’t doing their job here, and you and your manager should feel free to cite the law and push back.

Beyond that, though, it’s not a bad idea to try to talk to Linda directly since she’s the main source of the problem right now. Since it just came up, you have an easy opening. Sample language: “I’m so sorry to ask this, but I do seem to be allergic to the perfume you wear. It’s a lovely scent but it gives me sinus problems and migraines. Would you be willing not to wear it to work?” If she refuses, then you can say, “In that case, please understand that I can’t be in a small room with you — it’s nothing personal, just a medical thing.” But at that point, HR is really the right next step (preferably with your manager’s involvement this time).

2. Is a thumbs-up emoji an acceptable email response?

I am fully prepared that this is a “me” thing and not worth the battle, but I’ve recently been introduced to Gmail’s emoji response feature. I emailed my direct report and they used the “add reaction” feature to reply with a thumbs-up.

Professional communication is important in our work. I don’t feel disrespected that he replied that way to my email, but I’d be horrified if he did it to someone senior to me or to one of our clients. It just strikes me as unprofessional.

Am I overreacting? I don’t want to be a micromanager, but this does bother me.

I think “horrified” is a bit much, but if you don’t want them to use that feature in certain situations, just let them know that! It’s perfectly fine to say, “I’ve noticed you using the Gmail thumbs-up response recently, and I want to make sure you know it’s fine with me but you shouldn’t use it with higher-ups or clients since some people will find it too informal for those contexts.”

3. When a company actively avoids naming a salary range, are they trying to lowball you?

I applied for a job that might be a slight step back from my director level position now. I’ve had two conversations and a brief email exchange with HR where they keep asking me what I’m looking for, and I at one point politely but directly said I was looking for what they’ve budgeted for the position and how the bonus structure works and an overview of benefits as I’ve requested before. They promised before to send something and now committed to having someone call with the info. I suppose I can presume they hope to lowball someone, right? Otherwise why do this? This is a large, publicly traded company on NASDAQ.

Yes, companies do this because they hope to be able to pay you less. They don’t always consciously think of it that way — it’s less likely that they’re rubbing their hands together with glee while they contemplate lowballing you and more that they think, “We don’t want to pay more than we have to, so let’s see what people are looking for” — but at the end of the day, it amounts to the same thing.

They know the range they’ve budgeted. It’s not a mystery to them. They’re just trying to avoid telling you because they think that if they do, you’ll be more likely to ask for or expect the top of that range.

4. Who should be in the loop when someone is out on medical leave?

Our office manager is upset because she didn’t know about another staff member going on medical leave (using FMLA). After some dramatics, I forwarded her the email sent previously letting her and the management team know about the employee’s upcoming leave. The office manager doesn’t need to know about the leave but insists on knowing absolutely everything. (She doesn’t manage scheduling, calendaring, or time off. She does manage another admin who manages scheduling/calendaring.)

My boss scolded me, even after I showed her the email/paper trail. I suggested that the management team share major updates in a private, password-protected notebook since things were getting lost in email. This is a work approved, fire-walled notebook tool. She said that this was a violation of FMLA laws. I have whiplash from her aggressive stance. Sharing through email is fine but sharing in a password-protected notebook isn’t?

Am I violating FMLA laws by sharing the fact that a staff member is on FMLA with the entire management team? To clarify, this would just be a note about their leave dates, not the “why” or any other details of their leave.

It’s not illegal to share that an employee is on medical leave (or going to be out on medical leave), as long as you don’t share the specific reason for the leave (because that’s private medical information that FMLA requires be kept confidential from people without a true job-based need to know).

It’s not clear why your boss is okay with informing the management team by email but objects to your password-protected notebook idea, but both would be fine under the law. It’s also not clear why your boss objected to you forwarding the office manager an email that she’d apparently already been included on originally.

5. What to do after being a misclassified contractor

My mom recently got a new job after two years of being a 1099 contractor in an office. She was required to work in-office at specific hours for 40 hours a week, and had to request days off. She was also sometimes expected to be on-call over the weekend (not sure if there was any additional compensation). To me, there is no world in which this wasn’t a misclassification; they were treating her as an employee while paying her as a contractor (she paid her own payroll taxes and received no benefits). She also wasn’t the only one — there were at least two other women with the same terms.

In an area with few opportunities, while she was employed it was too risky to raise the issue as she would have just been fired and lose the employment altogether. I know the next piece of advice is “hire an employment lawyer.” But can you give more information on what that entails and what that process looks like?

Actually, in this case she doesn’t even need a lawyer. She can simply request that the IRS determine what her correct employment status should have been by filing IRS Form SS-8 (Determination of Worker Status for Purposes of Federal Employment Taxes and Income Tax Withholding). She’ll answer a series of questions about the nature of her work and the structure of her relationship with the employer; once the IRS receives the form, they will investigate and issue a ruling. It’s free to file it, and it’s fairly straightforward and absolutely worth doing. (She does need to factor in that her former employer will figure out that she did this, but it’s likely still worth doing.)

That said, if she does want to talk to a lawyer before proceeding, here’s info on how to find one.