It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker wrote a sonnet about my absences

I am a teacher. We have professional development days every so often. I take sick time for about half of them. Recently on a PD day I was here for, one of the other teachers read (in front of my colleagues) a sonnet he wrote about me being absent frequently. It was written in a joking, or depending on how you look at it, mocking tone. I was kind of stunned in the moment while it was happening and laughed it off.

I don’t know this teacher very well, and he has only been in our district for a couple years. What he doesn’t know is that the reason I’m often absent on those days is that after my son died, I had a hard time coming back to work. I couldn’t make it through more than a week or so without being absent for one or two days. As part of a strategy to address that, my counselor and I came up with the idea to be absent on PD days and less on regular days — that way the absences were less impactful on me and the students, and being out only on PD days gave me a goal to reach. I got better slowly, but it’s still a process and I still struggle. PD days are still kind of a target to make it to for me — a kind of relief valve. I’m trying to be out less of them, but it’s slow progress.

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I feel like I have to respond to him, and I drafted an email (he works in another school and I have no desire to talk in person to him about this) professionally addressing the issue. In the email I told him why I am absent, and made it clear I’d not address this further. What’s your opinion on sending it? I just don’t feel like I can let it go, but I also have no desire to bring admin into the situation. Also, I feel like I should cc to the other teachers who were present when he read the poem.

I’m so sorry — both for your loss and for this ass writing a poem to mock your coping strategy. Even if you missed a lot of PD days for some less sympathetic reason, he would have been out of line, and it doesn’t sound like you have the sort of relationship with him where he could have reasonably expected that it would taken as good-humored ribbing.

I haven’t seen the email you’ve written, but as long as it’s short and matter-of-fact, just giving him the information he lacked, I think you can send it. If he has any sense at all, he’ll feel mortified, and he should. I’m less convinced that you should cc the other teachers … but I do wonder if there’s someone you’d be comfortable confiding in who would quietly fill in others who were there so that you don’t have to.

2. My boss asked me if I was job hunting because of her

I’m in an uncomfortable spot right now. My boss asked me point-blank during my yearly performance review if I was job hunting because of her. I deflected with a half truth — that I’m job hunting because I need to make more money, and the only way to do that is to move up into a management position, which isn’t a possibility at my current job.

The thing is, I’m also job hunting because of her. I could write a novel about her poor management, but that’s not the point of this email.

How can I address how inappropriate that was with both my boss and with my grandboss (her supervisor)? It was a supremely uncomfortable moment, but more so because it happened during a meeting regarding my performance review. I have no doubt that whatever facial reaction I gave negatively impacted the review, and I’ve already had upper management (my great-great-grandboss) ask me about my review since it happened.

It’s not outrageously inappropriate for a manager to ask an employee if they’re job hunting, particularly in a review conversation where how things are going generally is being discussed. It can be a naive question because there’s no reason to assume they’ll get an honest answer, and it obviously can make the employee uncomfortable if that’s not information they care to share — but it’s not so inherently out-of-line that you should raise it afterwards.

I can’t tell if your manager already knew you were job-searching and only asked if it was because of her, or if she was asking whether you were job-searching, period. The former would make even more sense (“are there things we’re doing that are driving you to want to leave?” is a reasonable thing to ask about) but neither would change what I said in my first paragraph.

For what it’s worth, while she’s welcome to ask the question, you’re never obligated to disclose anything about a job search that you don’t want to disclose. In most cases, it makes sense that say that you’re not actively looking, regardless of whether or not you are. (There are some exceptions to this, but they’re very much exceptions.)

Related:
should I tell my boss I’m job-searching?

3. Why would a company announce layoffs in advance?

This article makes Meta sound awful but also says that in April, Meta announced that it would lay off about 8,000 people in May. Their head of human resources is quoted as saying, “I know this leaves everyone with nearly a month of ambiguity which is incredibly unsettling.”

Why would they publicly announce layoffs in this way? What’s the benefit to the company’s bottom line that makes the incredibly awful morale this brings worth it? I’d understand if they were offering employees to volunteer to be laid off, but it doesn’t sound like they are. Are they afraid the info would leak? Do they get some benefit from telling shareholders? But is a month of time really worth that?

When a company announces layoffs in advance and tells specific people that they’re being laid off, it can be to comply with the WARN Act, which requires employers with 100 or more employees to give 60 days’ notice of mass layoffs (or to provide an equivalent amount of severance in lieu of notice). But in cases like this, where they’re not notifying specific employees and instead it’s just a general announcement that layoffs are coming but no one knows who’s affected, sometimes it’s because they know word is likely to leak anyway and people will lose trust (or lose more trust) in leadership for denying that it’s happening. Other times they’re sending signals to investors about their management of the company, particularly if it’s obvious they need to make cuts. And sometimes, too, they’re hoping for attrition — that if some people leave on their own, that’s fewer layoffs for them to do. (That’s generally a terrible idea since the people who can usually leave the fastest are likely to be your strongest employees.)

This question is timely because the first round of layoffs that Meta announced back in April happened yesterday. For some reason they chose to do it by informing employees that the people being laid off would receive an email letting them know at 4 am local time in their region (why?!).

4. How can I get back in touch with former coworkers who I really liked?

At my last job, I got along very well with most of my coworkers, but never became the type of friends to hang outside of work. There was also a pretty significant age gap, with me being about 20 years younger than the next youngest coworker.

I left this job to go back to school, which has been overall a good choice, but it can get a bit lonely. I miss spending time with my coworkers from my last job — it wasn’t a close relationship, but they were all really lovely and interesting people, and I enjoyed our lunchtime conversations. I’d like to see them again, but I’m really not sure if it would be appropriate to reach out and say this.

And, if it would be appropriate to reach out, what would be the best way to do this? Should I invite them all for a happy hour? Ask individuals to get coffee? Just send a general message expressing that I value their friendship?

I know I’m probably overthinking this, but it’s hard to know what is normal this early in my career. Any advice or stories from you or the commenters would be appreciated.

Yes, tell them you’d love to catch up and suggest a happy hour (or, if you’re geographically close enough during the day, a lunch during the work day like you used to do). Or if there are a couple of people who you especially clicked with, invite them to coffee! Any of those are fine and normal. (Personally I would be delighted if a much younger former coworker suggested that — they may think you’re not interested in keeping in touch because the age gap puts you in different stages of life and they might be honored to know you’re actively interested in staying in touch.)

5. Our department chair doesn’t know about major work I’m doing

I’m an assistant professor at a community college, where I’ve been on the faculty for a couple of years. I have a PhD, I publish actively, and I’m involved in curriculum development and department leadership. By most measures, I’m a engaged and productive faculty member. Previous to this position, I worked at a much more prestigious university but made this move so that I could prioritize my family (and I do truly love teaching at a community college).

Recently our department completed a hiring search, and during a conversation about the new hire, the newly appointed chair of the department made a comment that surprised me. She said she was excited because the new person would bring active scholarship and publishing to the department, and that no one else in the department does that kind of work. This isn’t true. I publish. I present at national conferences. I’ve done this consistently since joining the faculty. My chair either doesn’t know this or didn’t think of it in the moment, but the effect was that my contributions were erased in a fairly public way, and despite my best efforts, it has really affected how I feel about the chair, the department, and the college in general.

I want to address this with my chair, but I’m not sure how. My goals are twofold: I’d like her to actually know what I’m doing professionally, and I’d like to understand whether there’s something I should be doing differently to make my work more visible at the department or institutional level. I don’t want this to come across as a complaint or as me being precious about recognition. I genuinely want to have a productive professional conversation, and I also want to feel like my work is legible to the department and college.

You can be pretty straightforward about it: “When you announced Valentina Smith’s hiring, I was surprised that you said that no one else in the department is doing active scholarship and publishing! I wanted to make sure you know that I am doing ____ (fill in with specifics).”

Depending on her response, you might then say, “It made me wonder if there’s more I should be doing to ensure that work is visible in the department and more broadly. Do you have thoughts on that?”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. A client died in our building, and their family is upset with us

I work for a very small (fewer than 25 employees) U.S. social service nonprofit. Not long ago, a regular, well-known-to-us client suffered a catastrophic event while in our building and collapsed. My coworkers who were nearby at that time took all the right steps: emergency services called, CPR initiated, AED retrieved and used, other visitors quickly and calmly relocated to another area of the building for safety and privacy. (We have all been trained in first response steps and I’m proud of my coworkers for acting without hesitation.) The fire department arrived first and took over, followed by EMS, who took the client to the hospital by ambulance. From collapse to ambulance departure took 15 minutes at most.

Not long later we received the tragic news that our client had died. They were a familiar face for most of us here and it rattled us all the more deeply that they were so suddenly gone — and that it happened in our building. We are doing what we can to be there for one another while processing this. The problem arising now is that, in the way of many small towns, our client was related to several people with social/political standing locally, and they are stirring up social media outcry about the incident.

The criticism is that we (our workplace) haven’t made any kind of post acknowledging and mourning the client’s death (as of my writing this, no death announcement or obituary has been published yet either), that we “did nothing to help,” and that the local emergency services “took too much time” getting to our location, with the implication that we didn’t act in a timely manner calling them. None of these relatives were present for the incident itself.

I feel for them and the shock it must be for our client’s loved ones to receive a call about their sudden passing. I know they’re hurt and grieving and looking for someone to blame. (We have all been — correctly, in my opinion — instructed not to respond to any personal social media posts on the matter or to get involved in comment wars.) Some of my coworkers are outraged that the family would do this when we did all we could at the time, and the accusations about timeliness are patently untrue; others are worried about the community ramifications of “locally powerful” individuals criticizing us so harshly without any of the facts. My question here is twofold: when things like this happen, what is best practice for the organization with regard to the world of posts and public opinion, and what — if any — are the potential legal consequences for the place of business posting about an event like this before some kind of official announcement is made?

As far as I know, there are no legal consequences to sharing news of a death before it’s been publicly announced, but it would generally be seen as insensitive and highly disrespectful to the family to do that, particularly in the immediate aftermath.

At this point, ideally someone high up in your organization would reach out to the family with sincere condolences, offer to answer any questions they have about what happened at your site, and say that the organization would like to publicly remember the client but didn’t want to do that without the family’s blessing or before an obituary had been published.

2. My employee used AI to write their self-evaluation

We are in annual review season right now. I just sat down to review an employee’s self-evaluation comments and my spidey senses went up — I started to wonder if they had used AI to generate their responses. They were much longer than last year, sentences were more complex, and (frankly) the responses felt weighted with self-importance — everything was just a little overblown and overstated. There is very little genuine reflection.

I ran things through several AI checkers, all of which indicated that the writing was AI-generated. Now, I know those aren’t perfect (especially for those of us who are strong writers and use things like em dashes!), but combined with what I stated above, it feels fairly dispositive.

There is no policy, internal to our unit or at our broader organization, that addresses AI use in the context of performance management. On the contrary, AI is heavily pushed to employees, telling us ways it can make our work more efficient. I am, admittedly, a huge AI skeptic. I’ve seen too many incorrect things to put a lot of trust in it. I also have concerns about the short-cuts it enables in terms of thinking. In this case, I would argue that the process of reflecting, writing, editing, etc., is a huge part of why we do annual reviews.

I don’t really know what to do here, other than address the content itself. I’m also, admittedly, struggling with feeling like the employee is somehow cheating by using generative AI to do something that is supposed to be a personal reflection. How should managers and organizations be addressing this sort of thing?

Yeah, I wouldn’t like it either, for the same reasons as you — a self-evaluation is specifically asking for the employee to go through the process of reflecting on their work, and this isn’t that.

That said, a lot of people hate writing self-evaluations and are skeptical about how they’re used. Combine that your company heavily pushing AI on employees, and I can’t really blame this person for doing it … or more to the point, I don’t think you should read more into it than “a lot of people hate writing self-evaluations and this person used a tool our company is pushing widely.”

That said, you can certainly say to the employee, “I got the sense you might have used AI with this, and it’s not an ideal use for it because AI doesn’t have the real-life context, judgment, and emotional intelligence about your work that you have. For something like this, I really want your own self-reflection on these topics, and I can promise you that’s what you’re getting from me for my side of it. With that in mind, would you want to take another stab at it? Or just talk it through in person when we meet?” You don’t have to offer that last option if you don’t want to — but some people stress over writing these so much that it’s worth considering.

3. Someone cc’d my boss over a tape dispenser

I recently got a complaint sent to my boss over a tape dispenser that I borrowed.

I work at a college with two campuses. We have boxes on both campuses where students can donate their books at the end of the semester, and we sell them to an organization and use the proceeds for scholarships. The scholarships are designated for students who work in the bookstore and students who are involved in a student organization that I advise.

On the campus I work on, I have been packing the books and getting them shipped off. I get the boxes myself, but I borrow a cart and packing tape from the bookstore each time. On our second campus, the bookstore handles most of the process themselves with their work-study students. I just send them boxes and shipping labels. It’s been this way longer than I have worked at the college.

Well, I packed books yesterday, and I left the packaging tape in the library because the library was packing some of their old books for the fundraiser. The library staff said they would return the tape to the bookstore when they were done. Apparently, the tape wasn’t returned quickly enough, as I got an email from the bookstore asking where it was. I responded immediately and copied the library, who brought it back right away.

The bookstore then sent an email and copied my boss saying that we need to get our own tape dispenser for the student club to stop borrowing theirs as the tape costs them money and it is inconvenient. I’d be glad to have my own tape dispenser! But I am a faculty member, and I don’t order office supplies. Neither does my boss. I thought it was a bit aggressive looping in my boss to complain about me borrowing their tape dispenser … for a project I do in partnership with them.

I calmly wrote back that (a) I would be glad to have my own tape dispenser and (b) this is a project done in partnership with them that they benefit from. Then I asked how I would order a packing tape dispenser. She then responded that she would get one for us.

I am also a bit annoyed that I am on sabbatical right now, so I was volunteering my time to help out with this fundraiser when I would not normally be on campus. On the other campus, the bookstore takes care of this completely. I am coming in on my time off to do something the bookstore could be taking care of, and they are complaining to my boss over me using their tape dispenser!

Do I need to let this go? Or should I ask that they talk to me directly next time without copying my boss? I think that was unnecessarily aggressive, especially as I was immediately responding to their communication. I don’t mind helping out with the fundraiser to support students, but it’s frustrating getting complaints sent to my boss when I am helping out on my own time.

Eh, let it go.

Yes, their reaction was overblown and cc’ing your boss was excessive, but there’s no point in making it into an even bigger deal by getting into a back and forth with them about it. And you already made the point that this a project they benefit from. They were cranky but now they’re ordering you a tape dispenser, so the problem will be solved and everyone can and should leave it there.

4. Automated video interview asked about my current salary

I just completed an offline video interview; I videotaped answers to written questions and submitted them to a portal. There wasn’t another person or hiring team involved, just an automated system.

One of the questions was (paraphrasing), “What is your current compensation — base pay, PTO, bonuses? What compensation do you expect in this role?” Your advice for dealing with this question in face-to-face interviews has been to sidestep giving my current salary and just tell the range I’m looking for, but since this was asked so directly here I didn’t know what to do. I just went ahead and ignored the first part of the question and said something like, “The range I’m looking for is $75k – 85k base pay” and that was it.

Was that the right thing to do here? I kinda feel like I torpedoed my chances with this job because I ignored their instructions. What should I do in the future if this scenario comes up again?

I think that was the exactly right way to handle it. Your current compensation is none of their business (to the point that some states have made it illegal for employers to ask about it). You answered the part that’s relevant to them, which is what you’re looking for from them.

Related:
how to avoid giving employers your salary history

5. Can I ask the hiring manager if I’d be considered before I apply?

Can I directly ask “would I even be considered” before applying for an internal position?

There is an internal position open that I’m interested in (it would be a sizable promotion for me). The hiring manager is familiar with me, and I’ve worked directly with him on a few projects. I don’t have a strong handle on his opinion of my quality of work, though, and I’m not certain my application would even be considered, or if I would really be qualified for the role. Is it out of line to email him and ask if it’s a position I’d be considered for? Or do I need to just hit apply and hope for the best?

Since it’s an internal position and you’ve worked together before, you can talk to him before you apply! You could say, “I’m really interested in the X position but thought I’d talk to you before I apply. Is your sense that it could be a potential match, or does it not make sense for me to throw my hat in the ring for this one?” That gives him the opportunity to tell you they’re looking for candidates with a different type of experience or otherwise explain if he doesn’t think it’s the right match.

Also, if there are things in your background that would make you qualified that he doesn’t know about, mention those up-front so he’s factoring those in — like “one reason I’m interested is that I did X before coming here” or so forth.

If this weren’t an internal position and you didn’t know him, it wouldn’t make sense to do this; in that case you should just apply. But it’s different when you’re internal.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Interview questions meant to identify covert North Korean workers

As you may already know, with the rise of remote work, some sectors in the U.S. have had an issue with North Korean workers applying for work while pretending to be a U.S. citizen, with an American liaison hosting their work laptop in the U.S. and providing aid with documents and such. Since this has been discovered, some interviewers have of course tried to find ways to weed out these fraudulent applicants, and I was wondering what you think of the matter.

I heard today of an interviewer who would ask candidates to repeat a phrase like “Kim Jong Un is a fucking asshole” to prove they aren’t from the DPRK. It seems effective, but I feel like this could be sketchy on the legal front. My kneejerk reaction was that this could be seen as discriminatory based on political beliefs, but I realize that even if it were covered by states with those protections, it would be difficult to pursue. I also think the inability of any current DPRK citizen to legally work in the U.S. would negate claims of discrimination based on national origin. I do think it could be an issue if this wasn’t requested of all candidates interviewed, and wonder if it could seem stereotypical to the level of racial discrimination. Do you think this is as messy of a solution as it seems? Do you know of or have any ideas for what other solutions interviewers could implement here?

It’s an absurd solution. First, it assumes a North Korean citizen would be incapable of repeating those words insincerely and in the pursuit of what they saw as a greater good, which is likely a flawed assumption. Second, it makes them look incredibly weird to everyone else (both because of the request itself and because if this is what they consider a strong security practice, that’s a problem).

I don’t know what the right security solution is — that’s way outside my expertise — but there are entire fields specializing in it, so step one would be to consult with someone whose job it is to know!

2. I promised an employee a promotion before I should have

I manage a 25-person department in a large, bureaucratic organization. The department is organized into three groups, and I was an outside hire a couple of years ago. Generally speaking, my staff is great — we punch above our weight in a lot of our work.

Last summer, the organization started going through a process improvement push. As part of that, my boss (who is in the C-suite) told me that he would support me in doing a small reorg in my department to create a fourth group on my team focusing on more strategic projects. I am excited by this idea, because if anything is holding my team back, it is the difficulty of focusing on longer-term projects when we have so many immediate deadlines. This reorg would allow me to promote Paula, who is developing into a rock star. We’ve already informally moved Paula into a position that focuses on process improvement, but being able to give her a small team and turn her loose to focus on strategic work could be huge for us. Also, I worry that without these changes I will eventually lose her to someone else, either an internal team with a promotion opportunity or another company.

I know you’re going to tell me this next part was a mistake, but I told Paula about the reorg/promotion idea shortly after my boss and I agreed to put it into motion. And then, I ran into a bureaucratic nightmare of trying to get HR approval to make the changes required. I need to reclassify a position to promote Paula and create a team for her, and I keep getting told “not right now.” The broader organization is going through budget tightening and it’s hard to get approval for spending more on salaries (which the promotion would require). We have support to make these changes from the C-suite, but everything is going really slowly.

It’s been eight months since I floated this idea with Paula, and I’m still working on actually getting approval to do it! My boss is supportive. His boss is supportive. It’s just going really, really slowly. I’ve been up-front with Paula on what’s going on but I worry that she is going to lose confidence. What should I do, since I can’t go back in time and stop myself from discussing this with her?

Does your C-suite boss have any pull to expedite this? Ideally the next step is a conversation with him to express your concerns about losing Paula and ask him what a realistic timeline is so that both you and she can plan. Emphasize that you want a realistic timeline, not an optimistic one, and also ask if there’s anything you should prepare for that might derail that.

Right now, the most important thing you can give Paula is very, very realistic info about what’s going on and what the timeline will likely look like, so that she doesn’t feel like she’s being strung along or being fed overly optimistic projections. “I’m so sorry about this but it’s going to be at least eight months because of X” is more confidence-enhancing in her shoes than hearing “it’s really slow going but we’re working on it” every so often — because the former is specific and you won’t sound as much like you’re stringing her along. You can also ask if there are things that she wants during the waiting period that you can offer — maybe that’s a title change or authority to do X or help removing obstacle Y. Or maybe there’s nothing, but you should talk with her and find out.

Ultimately, you might lose Paula if this drags out, but that’s just the reality of how these things go.

3. My boss didn’t include a major accomplishment in my review

I work for a nonprofit that underwent a major systems overhaul last year, replacing outdated internal tools with a new CRM. The transition was rocky and in the months following launch, many of us worked significant overtime to stabilize workflows and prevent service disruptions. During that period, I consistently worked 60-hour weeks identifying and documenting system issues critical to our department’s function. One project in particular required substantial independent effort and had a surprisingly helpful impact on improving operations.

Because of the organization’s financial strain from the rollout, staff received only modest cost-of-living increases this past review cycle, with no merit raises. I’m genuinely okay with that, as I value the mission and benefits, and I understand the constraints.

My concern is recognition, not compensation. In my 2025 performance review, my supervisor did not mention my largest post-launch contribution. I added context in my written response, but it wasn’t reflected in their evaluation. In a recent one-on-one, I asked whether the extra work done during the transition period could be considered in next year’s review cycle.

My supervisor seemed to interpret my question as a complaint about compensation and responded by explaining the organization’s budget deficit. I clarified that I appreciated the context but didn’t push back or mention that I wasn’t asking for more money.

Now I’m concerned about two things: first, that my contributions during a uniquely demanding period won’t be formally recognized, and second, that my supervisor may have misinterpreted my intent as dissatisfaction with pay.

Is it reasonable to expect that work done in a particularly intense period (like a major system rollout) would carry over into the next performance review cycle if it wasn’t fully captured in the previous one? Should I proactively clarify with my manager that my concern is about accurate recognition of my contributions and not compensation? If so, how direct should I be?

I want to advocate for my work without coming across as transactional or tone-deaf to the organization’s financial realities. At the same time, I don’t want a significant effort to effectively disappear from the record.

I can see why your manager interpreted it that way — usually when someone is concerned about considering a particular piece of work in a particular review cycle, it’s linked to money. In part that’s because in a lot of organizations, the content of a particular evaluation doesn’t matter that much year to year; rather, the content’s main impact is on (a) your pay and (b) your overall rating. If your overall rating was already very high and you’re not advocating for it to be increased, I can see why your manager assumed what you were advocating for was money. It sounds like you really just want the work itself it be recognized within the narrative of the review — which isn’t unreasonable, but that’s probably why she missed it.

You could go back to her and say something like, “I think I miscommunicated my interest in having the X work included in my review. I’m not asking for a different raise or even a different rating; rather, it was such a significant part of my work this year, and I believe had strong enough results, that ideally I’d like it be included in the written record of my work for this period.”

4. My job might want me to take on new work — how do I ask for more details?

I currently work in accounts receiving but the bulk of my experience is in accounts payable. At my current job, the accounts payable Major Dames might be retiring by the end of the year. I have been approached to take over their duties (along with some automation).

I asked how much time I had to think and was told Q3 at the earliest (because The Major Dames might push back their retirement). I’ve taken the time to think and I want to move forward with this. How do I approach the conversation in which I want to say, “Yes, I want this. What does it look like? Like title *ahem* pay … etc.” Should I ask what concerns they might have with me now so I can address them? The more I think, the better it seems but instead of getting wrapped up in the fantasy of better money and more pay, how do I instigate the conversation: tell me more?

Be straightforward! “I’ve given it some thought and I’m very interested. Can you tell me more about what that would look like logistically, as well as what it would mean for my title and pay?”

Be prepared for the possibility that they might not have been planning to change those things! If that turns out to the case, you could say, “Based on the increase in responsibility, I was hoping we could consider X or similar for a title, with a salary change to reflect the increased work.”

You don’t need to ask what concerns they might have with you; from what they’ve said so far, they might not have any. If they do start to seem less solid about moving forward with this, at that point you could ask whether they have specific concerns about your ability to take on the work, but based on what’s been said so far it doesn’t sound like you need to ask that right now.

5. I need business referrals but I also need friends

I am a professional fine artist. I’m building my business around custom commissions for clients. My paintings are at a price point where they’d be considered luxury goods by a lot of people and as a result, my business relies heavily on referrals. I am lucky and grateful to have a lot of friends who are very supportive, very impressed with what I do, and tell their friends about it. However, I don’t want to fall into the tupperware party trap of turning all my friends into business leads.

I’d love to hear from other readers in similar situations about strategies they use to grow their business without wrecking their social lives.

I’m happy to throw this out to readers, but as a general rule I think it’s fine to say once, “If you’re ever interested in a commission or know someone who is, I’d love to talk about it!” Saying it once is completely fine — you’re letting them know of your availability. After that, though, assume they’ll tell you if they’re interested in doing that; they may be friends who are very supportive but not likely to pay luxury-good prices for art, and that’s okay!